I Am the Imp of the Perverse

I'm moving (on)

2010-01-25T12:02:00.004+08:00

I'm moving to a new blog where i can hopefully start a new life (At the risk of sounding too melancholy) and so that He will have a chance to start his life anew too. My life was wonderful with him, and now it is time to let that go, and be wonderful somewhere else. Maybe we'll be friends again some day. Maybe.

It's time to let go of the What ifs and Whys. Because he will find someone someday and He is moving on. And so will I. We just need some time apart, and lots of distance between us.

My old entries are still visible and public of course, as they are, after all, my past. DUH. Time for a quick F.A.Q.

Q: Why don't you just delete this blog since you are moving on and all that..?
A: HAIYO. If I delete this, how will you know I have moved?! Tsk.

Q: What if he's still reading this?
A: What if WHO is reading this? And anyway, He won't be, and even if he is, it's none of my business really.

Q: Are you guys still friends?
A: This is not related to my blog, but uhm. We will be friends in time, I think. When we have both moved on. Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. But I do miss Little Booger a lot though. What I would give to see Him. But I know he is well taken care of, and that is enough for me now.

If you're interested in my life now (ah, you cheeky monkey, you), and (hopefully) my road to recovery, do visit me at my new blog. Of course there will be time where i am feeling really emo, but if you're willing to walk down the road with me, it'll be the best experience you would ever have.* And who knows,you might learn a thing or two (i.e. how to talk to a Crayfish).

*no money back guarantee.

My apologies for those who have linked me up etc. Please change it NOW NOW NOW. Heh. Thank you!

If you like to live vicariously, or if you want to know (more) about me, or if you are just nosey, or if you are stalker, or if you are a friend, or if you like Whitney Houston, or if you love furry things, or if you love to read, or if you don't fit into any of the above catergories, follow me at sarahnonymous.blogspot.com .

The journey doesn't end here. It begins uhm. there. Ok, I'm trying to figure out a dramatic exit but I just can't. Sorry for the super long exit. Should have just done a "Hi, I've moved to *link*". But then agai, we can't spend our lives thinking of what we "should have done" should we? Dang Shouldn't have thought of that. ANYWAYS. This is the end.

Ok thanks bye.

Last time. Can't get enough of this linking thing.

Welcome.

A New Year

2010-01-11T16:36:00.001+08:00

A new start, and everything is better now. I am free as a bird. :D

Happily Ever After

2009-12-28T00:29:00.003+08:00

And there is no happy ending, and i love him to pieces, but it just can't do. He said this is the best way, so it must be.

i wish circumstances are different, but i know i cannot change, and i won't make life difficult for you.

I am going back to writing in my diary, and i think i will be leaving this blog for awhile.
I'm not ok, don't think i will be for some time, but i will try to be ok. I can be reached by my moble, though maybe i may be in another world.

How long i don't know. But i know i must start over again. And accept the things I cannot change.

I have loved, love, and will love you. And if there is ever a chance again. I wish. i wish i wish. But we can't bring back things that are gone. We have to pick ourselves up and start again.

Start again.

Some quotes and poetry from Edna St. Vincent Millay that reflect beautifully what i feel.

"They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now"

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."

And my favourite:

"I know what my heart is like
Since your love died:
It is like a hollow ledge
Holding a little pool
Left there by the tide,
A little tepid pool,
Drying inward from the edge."

goodbye all.

Phases 1 2 and three.

2009-11-27T23:17:00.003+08:00

And then you realize that I'm not all you need
When you have made yourself all I want
and there are tears in my eyes from
the sorrow

Ok, I tried being poetic, but guess it didn't work. anyways, I'm kinda going through a rough patch. Pumpkin patch. Acne patch (whihc i am addicted to) Uh. where was I.. Ohyeah. I was very sick.. and now. Well.

I guess it's one of those things that was bound to happen.. I know we were inseperable, but i guess like every conjoined twin, there is one that longs to be a part from the other (Ok, this is not a fact, but i am assuming this..) And thought he has not said it, and it may seem like the ball is in my court, it really isn't. Yes, I have to make sacrifices because a relationship involves both sides.

And well, I guess when someone you love says certain things, it becomes a bigger deal. You start to think, am i planning for the future the wrong way? Am i showing too much concern? How mush is too much? What should I care about? What shouldn't I? Am I a control-freak? Am I thinking too much because you say I am thinking too much? Am I crying too much? Should I stop? Should I be questioning myself? Who am I? Who are you? What the hell? Do I love nigahiga?

I guess he is right, and he is right and he is right. He needs time to sepnd with his friends as well. And I can't be selfish like that. So, I guess I will be a lot more free now. Or maybe not.. I plan to embark on some projects of my own the coming holidays.. like making my own pinhole camera! And my three lens camera is arriving in mid-December.. fingers crossed! And oh, I might do what Qinxin does.. Go on a "retreat". Haha.

Anyhoos. I am okay, despite my sounding not so okay. No wait, i take that back, I'm not so okay. but it's okay. It's like the MCR song. I'm not okay. ok, wat, that's not okay, but I'm ok. Or not. Shit. I'm so confused already. Go away thoughts. I am sick enough already as it is.

And then I'm supposed to feel that everything is back to normal? I once made this famous comment (which i took from a book). no man ever needs space.. Unless he's an astronaut. If your dude needs space, it means he wants out. So does he want out? I don't know. He says no. But it certainly feels like it. And what about the feeling of love? How do you know it still exists? there are no nice words, just obligatory feelings, and fumbling words, making small talk , trying to get the spark back.

In our rush to be live our lives we have forgotten how to enjoy life. the journey is as important as the end. But if we only see the end, then we might miss some things along the way.

Ok, sorry i'm emo-ing. I would have posted this on my uber private blog, but i guess. It doesn't matter anymore.

"Anywhere you go, let me go too.. love me... That's all I ask of you"

F.A.Q.

1) Have you and Jevan broken up?
A: Nope. we are still together.. Just that we are not awesome couple. Haha. We are now humans.

2) Why are you making your private life public?
A: Because nobody reads this except you people I love so...

3) Whay are you listening the "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack again?
A: BECAUSE IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

4) Do you have baby guppies in your tank?
A: Yes, there are few fry!! About 7! They are incredibly tiny.. smaller than half of my last fingernail!

Ok that's all I can think iof today. My brain is frazzled. I'm so confused. And absoutely fabulous.

becoming.

2009-11-04T17:37:00.004+08:00

I don't think I could ever be real friends with someone who doesn't like (to the extent of hating) animals.

It doesn't matter if you like hamsters or fish or dogs or even *gulp* frogs. The fact is that you have the capability to love another being, that breathes and lives, it certainly says something about you.

And it's okay if you are impartial to them. They're okay, as long as they don't have polarised views I guess.

Sometimes people favour certain animals over others.. It's alright. It's natural to like some animals more than others.

Then there are those who can't because of health reasons.

Ohwell. Doen't mean you can't like them.

I'm so upset and I think I'll just go into my little shell and I think animal lovers will understand in only the way that they can when i say that animals are completely not like people. Even Cray cray will listen to me and she's not judgemental about anything. And she doesn't mind if i don't do well in my exams or if i don't complete my assignments. Or if i don't want to do anything all day.

And i'm not sad to say it, but i love animals a lot more than i like people in general. I like some people, but it's not the same.

Ohwell. Ok, i guess i sound like I'm rambling, and that's what I'm going ot do now is to shut up because i am talking to people and i need to censor myself and i need to restrain some things and hide some truths and maybe tomorrow, when i wake up, i will be an animal.

An earful of trouble.

2009-10-30T00:43:00.004+08:00

Today I was in the CATI lab (it's a computer lab of sorts, where each computer is in a little cubicle side by side) printing my readings. So after awhile, I got kind of bored and i decided to watch some videos on Youtube.

So of course, being the considerate person I was, I put in my own headphones. And then i unmuted the thing. And for some reason, I did not check that the volume was on at maximum, and suddenly my ears were blasted with a VERY LOUD talking of the person in the video. So i quicky turned the volume down a bit, just in case my neighbours could hear.

I was enjoying my video, when halfway through (at about 50 seconds) my ear got a little bit itchy. So of course, the natural thing to do was to take out the earplugs right?

And so I did, and thank god i did not pause the video, because when i removed one side of my headphone, i COULD STILL HEAR THE SOUND. And it was definitely LOUD AND CLEAR.

I didn't dare to see how many people were affected by this, and i was wondering what went wrong. So i clicked on everything and I realized to my horror that the headphones were plugged into the "mic" jack.

To everyone in the CATI lab who was affected by my "How to wear fake eyelashes" tutorial, I truly apologise.

But on the bright side, you know how to prep yourself and apply lash glue now!

Carousel

2009-10-23T23:37:00.005+08:00

I talk to you every now and then

I never felt so alone again

Somebody's watching me

2009-10-20T19:01:00.003+08:00

I always feel like somebody's watching me!
Ok, that was from Rockwell's "Somebody's watching me".

Here at Lee Wee Nam, nobody bothers me. It feels like I was here just over a year ago, blogging in the library. I was probably sitting in one of the isolation chambers.. Hmmm. Anyhoos, it's half an hour to go before the ADdiction meeting.

It's really weird because I swear the guy beside me is grooving to my music (well. He shakes his head and seems to be bopping his head to the music I'm hearing..) but I took off my earphones and I couldn't hear anything coming from them. So. Either he's dancing to a song in his head or my music transcends mental and physical limitations and somehow he can feel it in his soul.

And how did he manage to log on to Windows Live Messenger? Argh. And he's on Facebook too. Oh. He quickly switched back to his Excel spreadsheet. Hah. He thinks I'm not looking. But i KNOW what he's doing.

The sun has set, and it feels much cooler and quieter (i know, because i brought the volume down by 2 bars) now at the library. It's completely dark outside. Ok, well, it would be without the street lights.

Night at the Library.

Ah. In the meantime, I'll just be minding my own business, while the guy beside me and his friend discuss their project. oh and now he's talking so loudly on the phone.. I can hear him even with my music.
"Hi.... and the constant 't'.... how did you get to the... how come it cannot respond.. because i tried to double check and it's supposed to going down.. ohhhhhh oh ok ok ok ok... heheheh..ok never mind... you know delta t shell.. delta 't'.... is it... alamak you... haiz.. then the one.. delta t.. t character.. nooooo.. ok thanks... ok.. i can collect from you tomorrow... ok.. ohhh.. ok thanks..."

Ok, it's terrible to eavesdrop, and even though i had to drop another two bars of volume to hear what he's saying clearly, I have to turn up my volume. OMG. I turned up my volume just as he hung up. Lucky me. I think i have avoided looking suspicious. He has his face in his hands.. he's sighing... and he's back to work. Ha. Well. Ok, i think i sound like a stalker, so I'll just stop here.

Time to go. I think he's watching me from the corner of his eye. And he's telling his friend something. I can't hear. I need to turn my volume down again. aiya. Too slow. Better turn back up before they get suspicious. OK OK. Hmmph! Everytime his friend looks over, he'll be on the excel sheet, but once his friend turns over, he'll be on msn or looking at someone's blog! TSK. Ok, enough!! TIME TO GO NOW.

Sad

2009-10-20T17:27:00.000+08:00

How could you forget?

Mosquito on finger.

2009-10-20T01:11:00.003+08:00

I just killed a mosquito that was hovering around the index finger of my right hand. Just as it was landing, i smacked it real hard. And it died... In the palm of my other hand.

And I am having pimples on my forehead. Not because of the mosquito.

Jeez.

I feel like I'm sixteen again.

Oh and I drove the car ALONE the other day to Jaspreet's place. Was shaking when i got there. Nothing happened.. Just felt nervous. The drive back alone was nice though.

And I officially sent the first batch of friends home. ALIVE. HAHA!thank you Vannessa, Ching, Raf, and Moon for your patience and not throwing up at the back of the car. Thankfully, none of you needed the emergency helmets. And to my dearest Jevan, thanks for showing me the way (literally). Although there was this moment of tension when i got annoyed and was like, stop telling me how to drive! and everyone in the car was like "Hmmm." but he really is the sweetest.

And thanks to Jaspreet for having us over for Diwali. And you too Monisha. You have the funnest friends! heehee.

I'm totally looking forward to the 31st.. Wah.

And Azimah, you are not forgotten okay.

Guess it's back to school tomorrow.

Who needs Halloween when you've got all the living dead (us, mainly) and the nightmares of projects at school?
Sheesh.

Like the wind.

2009-10-11T14:46:00.003+08:00

I drifted today. Drifted..

Followed the greens of the grass and the purple flowers, scattered across the grass. The wind brushed my cheeks, and it made me smile. Oh. It lifted a little piece of plastic that was lying on the floor.. into the drain, and it made a swishing noise as it followed the space defined by the drain.

And I watched a man walk across an open field.

I danced tothe music in my head and sang out loud. Because some feelings you just have to follow.

And I wasn't even in Little India.

food poisoning, the dentist and a lot of headaches.

2009-09-29T22:50:00.004+08:00

As the title suggests, I am under a lot of stress.

After the food poisoning incident, I have now recovered and gotten my appettie back.

Oh yes, on that night that i was resting, i accidentally knocked my leg against the metal leg of the table, and split my toe-nail. I now have a soft spot on my toe where there's no nail, cuz i had to cut it off. Much good of a rest, that was.

Went to the dentist yesterday. Ah. All the plaque ahs been removed, and my teeth are now clean. so is my wallet. Well, he said i have tooth decay. Lots of it. And he needs to patch it up a bit of a time. But i know he really just wants my money. hmmph.

Bought a new helmet! FINALLY I HAVE MY FULL FACE helmet!

And oh I've been doing my systems assignment ALL DAY (i'm not kidding. I mean 10am to 10pm) with only the occasional break to go to the toilet and bathe (at 7pm) and it is done.

Man. There are so many things going on this week, and it's just crazy. There's 401, and then i have to visit two exhibitions. I really am beginning to hate my ''Cities, Bodies, Memories In contemporary Singapore'' module. This is the first time i actually resent an arts module and yes. I am going to S/U it. There is just so much work for it and it's not worth it. I can't say i want to be super artsy and "feel" the city and explore my inner psyche in a space or whatever. I ust want a good grade, unfortunately.

And oh, I have to go to little India and "immerse myself in the sights" and dunno what la. Aiya that crazy artsy woman and all those ADM people in the class.. It's mad i tell you MAAAADDD!! ON occasions like these I am glad I am from CS, and I am if anything, normal. And i like normal, thanks.

I like my life to be orderly. I don't need to explore anything out of my comfort zone yet ok. thank you very much. ok. That's it. To much headaches, and some i can point to the source of.

And one of me wearing it. :)

Macam nak berak

2009-09-25T00:56:00.003+08:00

Ok, I'm sorry Jaspreet for laughing when you had diarrhoea. It feels awful. The diarrhoea. not the laughing. The laughing was quite funny.

So I had quite a great fruitful tiring Raya (so far).. Introduced Jevan to the rest of the family.. Most of them have met him already so it wasn't really a big deal. But i think it was exciting all the same. I'm really glad everyone made him feel so welcome.

Except at Kak Esa's house (she's my step aunt and she's like 60 plus I think). so the five of us went in and salamed her, and Jevan was right at the back, and hewent to salam her and then as he walked away she exclaimed,"Ini anak siape?!" (whose child is this?!) shocked and surprised at the same time. Haha. That was quite funny. and then may father just kept smiling and asked if she couldn't recognise him (how could she.. This was the first time she met him...)

And baby Yusof is so adorable, and naughty. He's one now. At Kak esa's house, he took a kueh container around and carried it to my sister( who can speak baby language), and he told her to open it (or so she claims). However, she is not that adored to put food that he has chewed into her own mouth. Even if it is a gift.

And at another house, somehow he found it amusing that I could make sounds out of the recorder. And the moment I stopped playing, he'd grab the thing and attempt to shove it into my mouth. Scary.

I just love seeing my cousins. And they grow pretty fast! I drove around that day, I must have gone on the expressways like five/ six times. It really is tiring to drive around. I am amazed at how my father has been doing it the past few years.

Anyways, Cik Ton has gone back to UK, and the Bruneians have left also. :( But not before we had a big big dinner with all the cousins (well, 50% of them anyways) at Swensen's, and I reckon that's where the diarrhoea part comes in.

I've gone six times today, and it's absolutely AWFUL. My father made me take three charcoal tablets when i got home. But my stomach is still aching now. Maybe it's because of the prunes.

Eitherways, I need to detox. Recess week is coming, time for assignments.

AHHHH. DIARRHOEA GO AWAY!

Hari Raya rally speech.

2009-09-20T00:39:00.005+08:00

What does Hari Raya mean to you?

New baju? Time to eat kueh? Is it a day to get Ang pows? A day to catch up on readings? To complete assignments due after the holiday? A public holiday to get away from it all? Or is it just another day to while the time away?

My grandmother passed away just over a month ago. And as far I can remember, Hari Raya (the actual day) used to be us going over to her house after my father came back from prayers, and hers will be the first house we visit.

I still recall last Raya like it just happened, and it seemed like just yesterday we were sitting at the table and my grandmother told me that there was (sambal) sotong, and she told the maid to take some for me. I don't know if I'm making any of this up, or romanticizing it in any way, but what would it matter if I did because somewhere in my head this is how I remember it.

And then we were sitting there and she was all dressed up with her signature gold jewellery, and I don't remember if it was last year or the year before or maybe my memory is all jumbled up inside and i remember we were going to take a family picture and my grandmother went to the room to put on her tudung (scarf) because she doesn't want to be photographed without it.

I look at the picture now and I realise that it must have been ages ago because my hair was long in the picture, and I'm thinking, how can this be? And then there are a few pictures, some where my hair was short and I'm thinking when is this? how come they all seem to have happened recently and at the same time? And how come she is always asking me to eat something? Sometimes it's lontong and sometimes it's sotong.. but she's always asking me to eat more, and to eat something, and I can see myself sitting at the table and eating it and I'm telling her,"Dah cukup.. dah cukup.. banyak nye makanan..." (enough.. there's a lot of food)

Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow (or later), we will be visiting the grave after my father comes back from prayers. I do not recall going to the grave on Raya in previous years. Maybe it has happened before but for some reason, I cannot remember it. I vaguely remember going to a grave some time ago, though maybe not on Raya. Of course, this is not counting the times when i I went for my grandmother's funeral.

I guess tomorrow we will be visiting my (real) paternal grandparents' and my brother's grave, as well as my grandmother's.'

For those who have the privilege of spending a day with your family, i suggest you put those readings aside maybe for just an hour or so, and just enjoy each other's company. If you are not in the habit of spending time with each other (e.g. "Ahh.. My family is not like that!! We don't like each other!"), it doesn't matter then. Just take the time in your head to appreciate and cherish the fact that they exist in your life, and maybe it is a good time to start mending ties and bridge gaps.

For those whose families are far apart, take heart in knowing that there are those who love and cherish you, even though they may not be there in person. And don't ever feel lonely because it is not the day that matters so much, but the relationships you maintain and the bonds that you keep that are important.

Of course I am taking a very idealised approach towards this, but is this not a time of forgiveness, and of remembrance of the past, as well as an embracing of the present?

Whichever religion or faith you are from, I hope you have the most wonderful and meaningful day. I know for some of us, Hari Raya seems to lose meaning each year (I'm not just talking about the age you can no longer get ang pows, mind you) because we are "too busy"with other things in our life. Of course, I am not without guilt, and there have been years when I always felt that i have something better to do, why do i need to go visiting to see people I hardly know?

But I guess we are the ones who create meaning for what we do. And something that may seem pointless won't actually have a point until you give it one (this should be one of Newton's laws...).
Like for years I've wondered why I need to visit people I hardly know, and let alone talk to? But then I've realised that these people are important to people I know, and love, and my presence there is a mark of respect towards them. that alone is enough meaning for me. and to see the joy when they see us, when they see that there are people who bother and care about them, it makes me realise what all this "family spirit'' (or community spirit, for that matter) is all about.

Having said that, I hope everyone will have a wonderful Hari Raya and I seek forgiveness for any wrongdoings that I have done. And for some of us, I guess the most important thing would be to forgive ourselves (not self-serving bias) because sometimes we are too hard on ourselves (i know i am sometimes).

To all my friends and family, have a Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir dan batin and have a meaningful day, however you spend it.

P.s. i entitled this post as such because I felt that it was going to be looooong and speechy. macam national day rally seh. But i really mean it ok. So have a good day. :)*

* i seldom use smileys in my posts because it is technically, not a form of written language. but this is the web so. Just use la.

Love.

OH MY ALLAH i just found this awesome thing:

wait for the last part.. it's the best part man!

Hooray!

2009-09-18T10:14:00.004+08:00

It arrived on Wednesday:

HAHA!

(that's Cray Cray doing a dance). Haha. Enjoy the day.

Morning thoughts

2009-09-18T07:43:00.005+08:00

I know it's 7 am and I've been awake doing work since. but there have been people who have been staying up all night to put the production together. So I'm not complaining.

But what I want to complain about, however, is the amount of work I have to do for 420. I wonder if I can have the S/U option for A general elective. It really is not worth all the work to get like a 'B'' which will be what I'm getting considering that everyone else works twice as hard. I just don't have the energy to do so.

Andy Lau, the japanese girl, and the source of trauma

2009-09-17T02:23:00.001+08:00

Well whaddya know. It's two am already. I'm still up doing a graphic for chinese desk because I think the one the japanese girl did wasn't good enough.

I am terribly tired. and. i drove myself to school today!!!!

And oh, my photocard license arrived yesterday (wed) haha. hoorayy

I am so tired I could use a bed now. but Andy Lau calls.

NEW COMPUTER!

2009-09-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

My wonderful parents bought me a desktop today from Comex! it is super huge! Ok, I'm only saying this because my laptop is only 12.1 inches wide. And now, looking at a 23 inch monitor is absolutely crazy!

Not only can I not see my whole screen at once, the funny thing is, everyone sitting behind me can! We are all watching in awe at this awesomely HUGE screen! I had to get a new computer because my laptop is not able to do absolutely high speed processing, and often lags and freezes when I use intensive software like Photoshop. But now, with my Intel Quad 2 processor, I hope I won't be having this problem.

Comex was an absolute headache, there were tons of people and it was absolutely chaotic. But eventually we got what I wanted and i'm pretty glad.

I'm just going to bask in the glow of this huge screen, and maybe I should probably change the brightness for my own good. Hmmm.

What a day.

My eyes hurt already.

TGIF.. WTHIM

2009-09-11T12:39:00.003+08:00

Thank God it's Friday!

Actually, today's "lecture" for ADM 420 will be a People's park, at Chinatown.

The weather doesn't seem so good.

I'm thinking if I should bring my umbrella.

But then, supposing it doesn't rain in the end. Then I'll be carrying the umbrella around in my bag and it'll weigh on my shoulders and it will eventually hurt me. Or, say, supposing it does rain, and no one else brought an umbrella. Then should I still whip it out while people run for cover? Or should I go like, "Hey! I got umbrella! Who want to share with me?" In whihc case no one might actually want to share with me, and then I'd end up super embarrassed and not make a good impression again.

If I do bring the umbrella, I'd also need to bring a plastic bag of some sort to keep the wet umbrella in. A little plastic bag doesn't take up much space, I know. But what if when it gets wet it wets the inside of my bag?

On the other hand, if I don't bring an umbrella, what if it does rain, and everyone else HAS an umbrella? Then who will share with me, and will they even be willing. And in their heads they'd be thinking, "Aiyo this girl. Rainy day also never bring umbrella. Crazy one. "

Oh my goodness.

The thunder is rolling.

And I'd better get ready to leave.

I hope it doesn't rain.

Btw, in case you were wondering. WTHIM - What The Hell It's Monday!

Pregnant

2009-09-09T21:29:00.001+08:00

I have a two month old food baby growing in me.

I need to start exercising.

Shucks.

2009-09-08T17:32:00.001+08:00

An hour and halfway through my systems assignment, I realised that my product needs to have seven or more components.

I have six.

Damn.

Buddy is 10! Create a comic strip of your ultimate party and win $1,000! Click here

Resolutions.. and a death threat (almost)

2009-09-07T22:49:00.004+08:00

Ok, this is what happened in the end.

Frustrated and angry at 2.30 pm, I sent an e-mail to the lecturer telling her why I didnt turn up in class. At 2.35, I decide to go meet Jevan at Canteen A. So, I walk out of the building of Art, Design and Media, trudge up the hill, with tears in my eyes, going against the direction of the wind, and cars zip past me, reminding me how slow and sad I am.

I called Monisha to tell her (complain) about my misery, and so twelve minutes later, I reach the top of the hill, and then proceeded to climb the dreadful flight of stairs that lead to Canteen A. Met Jevan there, and he told me that I should go back earlier. But me, being me, thought, "what if she calls me back? Then how? Then I missed my first lecture... *sob sob sob*" so after some thinking, he convinced me to go home.

But. Of course, it doesn't end here. The lecturer chose that moment to call me. Our conversation went something like this:
L: Hello...
Me: Where are you all? is it B1-03?
L: Yes yes.. We are here. Oh wait, We are in B1-02!
Me: But I asked the lecturer from the class earlier and she said this was a ADM 330 class (my class is ADM 420)
L: OH! That was me. Come now.
Me: Ok.

And the moment I said it I realised how embasrrassing it would be to walk in halfway through the class, and i should have just tole her that I had left. But it was too late. So I went back down the hill, and entered the class feeling REAAAALY stupid. People saw me standing outside the class for one and a half hours, and now I'm finally going in.

I felt the eyes ataring at me, and I felt SSSSSOOOOOOOOO embarrassed and sad. But ohwell. Pride has no place in my education. And my skin has just gotten much thicker.

Ok, now time for a threat.

MY CHUCK TAYLORS ARE MISSING. STOLEN!

I saved up for them for months, and today i found that they were GONE. I left them on the rack outside (i don't know for how long.. two days the most... I forgot to bring them in.) and today i realised that they are GONE. POOF. Not a trace.. Not even a leftover lace.

I really love this pair.. It's leather (PVC), and it cost me $99.90.. It's a lot to me, and it wa still in pretty good condition. Sure it was a bit dirty (i never wash my shoes. I just wear them out till i need a new pair).. But I was really planning to wipe them down and rinse the insides..

Hah. The person who stole them will get my feet germs! Good luck to him/her! Because this is the month of Ramadhan, and it's all about patience and tolerance, I WISH YOU ALL THE WORST AFTER THIS MONTH YOU LOSER.

I hope whoever took them will put them back. I don't mind you borrowing them, but return them la! Walaueh.

I hope my dear shoes are well. And if I see someone wearing the same pair in my neighbourhood, I will stop them, ask them where they got it and accost them, if necessary. Hmmph. I WANT MY SHOES BACK!

Missing class

2009-09-04T14:19:00.003+08:00

It is extremely ridiculous. I missed my first ever lecture for ADM 420, even though I AM HERE. I was at the classroom at 1 o'clock ad there was no one there. So, ok, I thought, maybe they're all late. So I waited ten mins.

And waited and waited.

And then I tried calling phoebe many many many times, and msged the lecturer, and she said they were all there, but the weird thing is, I AM there! And there is nobody!

Oh god. It was so perplexing, and upsetting. I went to the office to check, and they told me that the class was inside, and i told them that there was no one. And i couldn't have gone to the wrong classroom because that WAS THE CLASSROOM.

I feel so shittered now. I also dunno what to do. it's like , I'm already so far behind, and now the lecturer thinks I'm a looney who gets lost in the school and never comes for lesson. Aiya. I also don't know. I think i should head back now. I've been waiting and searching for 2 and a half hours!

i have lost all mood, and patience, and energy. I have called everyone and exhausted all my resources. I don't know what else to do. So here I am, blogging about this at the ADM library, in case the lecturer calls me back. I'll wait for another ten minutes or so.

I've sent an e-mail to the lecturer regarding my absence.

Augh.

Images of the week

2009-09-03T23:06:00.002+08:00

I was walking downthe steps from Tan Chin Tuan Theatre when i noticed this little moth.

I don't know why i noticed it. I just did.

Taken today when Jevan was going off.

Adorable kitten with a manly voice. Most kittens sound like "Meeeew".

This one went "Maooooo"

My youngest sister had a terrible fall earlier this week.
She came home crying and screaming in pain. Trying to wash the wound was hell.
That girl can scream like. I don't know what.
To quote my fourth sis: " Stop crying la! SHUT UP. You are lucky Jie jie is doing this. If Papa do for you, he will just do it, and don't even talk to you so nicely."
(referring to the way my father is much less patient and much more efficient than i am.
I.e. Me: "It'll all be over when i count to ten ok. Count to ten, Ama, just count to ten..."
Ama: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Free P plate from Jevan.

Ok, that's about it. :)

Woman driver woman driver

2009-09-03T21:58:00.007+08:00

I drove my father's car today!!!!

I love my father (and my dear dear) so much. He patiently, and bravely, sat in the car while i tried to drive (did i say tried?) and pretty much tried to get used to it.. Jevan sat at the back, and i think i caught him sleeping.

But well, you can't get used to something overnight can you (or an hour for that matter)..

And yes, I tried and tried and TRIED to park the car until i think i also fed up. Haha. Well. I guess it's just a matter of getting used to it. I mean, I've been driving a Toyota Vios for my lessons, and now I have a Nissan Prairie (from a sedan to a mpv, in case you are wondering. Or, from four seater to seven seater etc etc).

My father put the P plate up, and just sat relatively quietly (except when I was doing something potentially dangerous, i.e. "Cannot. Too close! Going to hit already."). Told me where to be careful, how to engage gears, how to be careful, especially going out of the carpark, because there's a really sharp turn out of our house carpark.

I guess there was a lot on his mind. One of them probably was if he would survive this journey. Haha. I think he was thinking of the story of his friend.

Story of his friend
His daughter just passed her driving and is a first year student at NTU. Being the wonderful father he was, he let his daughter have a try at driving his (the family) car. He let her drive around the neighbourhood, and then further and further. Pretty soon she was driving everywhere, and eventually, he let her use the car to drive to school. The poor guy now takes the bus or walks anywhere because his daughter is always using the car. And he is still paying the road tax etc etc.

So maybe that's why it took him a week to decide if he should let me drive the car.

So today, i drove around the carpark, around the neighbourhood, and up a kerb. And hopefully, there will be more opportunity to drive around (and not up the kerb).

How I helped a middle aged lady (who is not my mother)

2009-09-01T21:56:00.002+08:00

This incident is a true story, and it happened a few weeks ago. I am not making any of this up.
I decided to go to school earlier, for once, and so I boarded the bus and train half an hour earlier than i intended to. The journey to school was, as usual, uneventful, but passed quickly because I was busy playing the PSP.

As the train approached Pioneer, of course, I started to pack up. When i looked up, I saw this middle aged lady beside me, carrying a lot of plastic bags, possibly from a shopping trip. She was wearing a yellow sari, and had her hair all bunned up nicely. But she was also struggling with all the bags, and me, being the hero of this story, offered my kindly help.

So of course, I asked, "Aunty, can I help you?". The lady gave me a toothy smile, and then gratefully proclaimed, "thank you! thank you!".. Naturally, I, being the younger and fitter one, decided to take on a few bags at a time. Bad idea.

The moment I tried to life up one bag.. ALAMAK. So heavy! And to think that i tried to lift each bag with one finger (don't ask me why.). The aunty saw me struggling, and she got worried, and then she asked if i was ok, and that maybe i should take the lighter bag instead, and take less.
By then the train doors had opened, and there I was carrying these immensely deceptively light-looking bags which contained... bananas.

I assured her that i was fine, and that as long as she can manage, I can manage. Next began the excruciating journey down the lift. I say excruciating because the lift was so crowded that I couldn't put my plastic bags down! So I kept the smile on my face, and asked where she was going. She asked if I was from school, and i told her i was going to school and she seemed a bit surprised. We made small talk and eventually got out of the station.

Then i started to think. Ok, now what? Do I follow her home, and deliver these bananas to her house? What if she lives far away? Should i give her the bags and say, "Aunty, I taking bus here.", then quickly shove the bags into her hands or what? What?

We were already out of the MRT station, and walking down the stairs.. Time was running out! It was now or never. And then the aunty thanked me for my help, and said that she could manage from here.

Ok, thank you aunty, my arms thank you.

All my worrying for nothing. In the end I was on time, and I did a good deed.

Woohoo. And I have the muscles to show for it!

Just stop it already

2009-08-28T00:36:00.003+08:00

OK, I HAVE TO STOP SHOPPING.

On another note, i found this really cool blog matspeaking.livejournal.com . It's about malay life. Kinda. Haha.

Aiya. I dunno la. No inspiration to go to school. Just so sianed. Walaueh. See, my language is slowly deteriorating.

ohyes. Janell made me this really awesome badge with cray cray's face on it. haha! I've been wearing it on my shirts cuz i can't stick it onto my bag.. My bag is leathery (pvc) and if i stick a pin in it, it'd be holey. but I LOVE IT!

ohyeah. I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST. Now i have a class 3 license! Means I can drive around! woohoo. I'm still waiting for my dad to let me drive his car. hehe. Drive around the car-park only mah...... The tester was really nice, and it didn't rain on my test day! HEHE. I'm considering taking riding lessons. Not horse riding.. though i would love to.
Seeing how riding a bike is so convenient (compared to public transport) and cheap (compared to a car), I am toying with the idea a little. Jevan also makes it look so easy. (And my father was a Biker boy in his youth, so maybe I got the biking genes...)
But then again, the cost of learning, and the time to take the lessons.. I don't think now is the right time.

Anyhoos, I can finally drive my kids to school in the mini-van like Wanda from Baby Blues! I have no idea why i want to be like her, but yes, now i can drive my little tots around!

Also, if you haven't seen this.. It's DAMN FUNNY (to me) It's the lecturer who won a few teaching awards, and after watching this, it's not hard to see why...

Ok, awesomeness. I also don't know why I'm talking like this. I'm so tired. Lucky tomorrow's class is cancelled.

It's Friday already? Shucks.

School's in... And i'm out.

2009-08-21T16:55:00.005+08:00

I have a fever, sore throat and another semester of school to go.

It's a new term! Rejoice!

Things have been okay I guess. It seems such a long time since my grandmother passed away. Yet, to speak of it now would be strange, as though one is no longer allowed to speak of such things. But it doesn't matter, because I'm living my life anyway, and what's left to do is to make the most out of it.

Ramadhan approaches again, though the last Hari Raya celebrations are still fresh in my mind. A friend of mine told me last year that she didn't even feel like there was anything to celebrate anymore. Ah well.

For me, Hari Raya has always been a time for family and the ones you love, and not just the ones you are dealt with. It is a time of gatherings and of chit-chat and banter and eating kueh (and drinking lots of gassy drinks! hehe). It is a time when you see cousins who have grown so much in one year you wonder if their parents replaced them with someone else to fool you. But it is also a time when we see how strong the bonds in our families are.

Say, you haven't seen your aunt for over a year. This will probably be the only time you'll ever be seeing her right? But that doesn't mean that you should just forget it, since you don't see her anyway, and you're not close. There's nothing hypocritical or fake about it if you genuinely want to see someone after so long and just your presence is enough to make a difference. Sometimes, things which we may deem insignificant or useless may be something big to someone else.

My parents aren't getting any younger (just a I wrote this, my father randomly said that my uncle is 61 this year.. so freaky.), and according to my aunt Cik Ton, theirs is the "Coffin Dodgers" generation. It's kind of funny, yet in a dark sense, it alludes something deeper and perhaps even scary (or happy, if you are the kind who likes death). We won't live forever (but someday we might) and hopefully, not with the regret that we had one chance to see that person, but felt it unnecessary to do so.

Okay, just some other updates.. Hmmm. I created a blog kind of thing for my crayfish. Haha. A word of warning though: Read it only if 1) you want to know about Cray Cray's life; 2) You just like crayfish in general; 3) you have nothing better to do.

Have a good day.

To my Dearest Grandmother

2009-07-17T11:50:00.003+08:00

I cannot believe that she is gone.

No matter how many times I tell myself, that was her; You saw with your own eyes, it doesn't make it any more real.

I wish I visited her last week. I planned to this week, but then. It'll always be next week and the week after and it'll never get done.

I will never forget the feeling of being in that room. It's not like in the movies. I always imagined it to be different. There wasn't a single person in the room who wasn't teary-eyed.

I watched as they placed her body in the middle of the room, wrapped in the clean white cloth. And the ritual began, and the cloth was slowly unwrapped to show the top of her face.

I watched, as her daughters and sons, one by one, took turns to spread the dirt and flowers around her. Then my father was called too. We often joke that he is her adopted son.

She was so much more to us than a babysitter. She was my grandmother.

And my Tok told me, as i helped him up the steps to his house, "Wer dah tak ade".

I know i know i know.

The other day we were talking about wishing that she was conscious in her final hours so that we could speak with her.

And her last words to me, over a month ago, as I left the house were "jaga eh, sayang. (take care, dear)"

I hope she is in a better place, and may Allah take care of her and watch over her.

Tender meat

2009-06-28T11:53:00.003+08:00

What do Hypocrites, hyperchrondriacs and Horatio have in common?

They all start with the letter 'H'.

What makes a friend?

Maybe i've been looking the wrong way.

don henley-heart of the matter

2009-05-29T12:10:00.002+08:00

just a song to get me through the day.

Don't stop me now...

2009-05-27T01:44:00.003+08:00

Well, I certainly didn't mean to cause him so much misery. And truth be told, i forgot about it already.. until he brought it up.

I can't say I was angry when I actually did it. I was actually mildly amused at his reaction. Shocked? Maybe. But. Like I said, i did it in jest.

So today when i received the super long sms telling me that he will be himself even if he is humiliated in public i was surprised. I guess.

I already said i was sorry and I don't know what else to say, so I'm sorry now for telling the whole world, even though no one really reads this anyway, but some people do, and they're the ones that really matter (i think).

And you can talk behind my back/ in front of me/ beside me all you want, because. I don't know. It's not that I'm indifferent. I just don't have energy for these things anymore.

I can't be the same person i used to be (omg. so drama) So I just hope people will understand.

And I'm really not upset at all. I'm just amused (god i love this word) by what is going on now. And I'm not laughing at people, I'm laughing at the whole situation, because it is quite funny in a sad kind of way.

And I'm not above anyone when i say this, but. I hope we'll all grow up someday.

I can't stop people from saying stuff about me, and I'm sorry if you hear things.

Well. to those who have stood by me, thank you.

I hope it doesn't kill you.

........ And I don't want to stop at all

2009-05-22T11:46:00.002+08:00

Around midnight yesterday, I was talking to Qinxin, and she told me that the results are out. And I said, yes, i watched it. Kris Allen won. And she was all "huh?", until i realized, hey! the exam results are out!

So, being a kiasu singaporean (and also cuz i just wanted to get it over and done with... to face the truth.. to stand up for what is right! to be the person that i was born to be! etc)...

And here are my results for this semester.
AAA184 DRAWING
A+

COM226 MEDIA PRESENTATION AND PERFORMANCE
A+

COM229 BROADCAST JOURNALISM: CONCEPTS AND APPLICATIONS
A

COM232 GRAPHIC COMMUNICATION
A-

COM261 NEWSPAPER PRACTICUM
Pass

COM483 TELEVISION PRACTICUM
Pass

.... Which brings my gpa for this semester to 4.87. But my cumulative gpa is not enough to get first class honours yet. I'm not even barely kissing it. Ohwell. But I am happy (extremely) with my results and yes, I worked hard okay. So i daresay i deserve it. (*giggle*)

And yes, although I failed my driving test ( i hit a kerb, but come one, I wasn't endagering any lives, unless you count the life of the kerb. Bleah), I guess I'll just have to take it again. Wehee.

Have a great day y'all!

People who

2009-05-19T02:36:00.002+08:00

If I don't see a lot then i won't want a lot.

I've always wanted a lot of money so I can do a lot of things. But more clothes, spend more, eat more expensive food.

It's about having a choice, to be able to have things. material things that others have. Things that will (supposedly) make me look better, feel more loved. Things that will make me more fashionable, more stylish.

But there's just one thing that I've been wanting to do since I turned 21.

Get well. That means getting rid of all the phlegm, and just well. Not be sick anymore.

It's been ten days. the fever and flu have gone, but it's now replaced with phlegm, headaches and lethargy.

Woohoo. See la, if this is what you meant by have a great year ahead", then I wish you the very same. Well-wisher.

(hehe, ok, I'm kidding. seriously. Thanks for the wishes, happy people!Haha.)

I realised how important people are in my life (as opposed to, say, stuffed toys) and I'm thinking, God, I love people.

But i also love animals.

And some non-living things.

I got excited today when i saw this show on OKTO about some artist taking on some apprentice dunno what. But the point was, that he is a pastel artist, and he took the girl to this shop and then there were all these pastels, brand new (for sale duh) and i was like, WOW, because they look absolutely gorgeous (rembrandt brand) and i actually exclaimed, "woah! So nice!". and my sister looked at me and said, "Only you can get excited about this kind of thing..." And.. it's true!

I miss using pastels.

The guy was wrong. He said pastels are "hassle free".. Which is kinda untrue. They create lots of dust, and it's better to work in a well ventilated environment. And also, they require proper handling AFTER (and during, if you work with lots of layers) you finish your work, otherwise all your effort will go to waste. Other than that. I totally agree with him that they're easy to use blah blah. Pastels (good quality ones) are expensive. I got mine for free (souvenirs from TPJC art room), but don't think i can get so lucky again.

In fact, watching that, i was so inspired (to do art) that I picked up a box of charcoal (also free. souvenir from NIE drawing studio. i didn't steal okay! The teacher gave us all some) and just started to sketch my sister. Kinda. She was reluctant to pose, but technically she didn't move for a long time while watching tv so i just drew her like that.

Ok, I think i've said enough. My original post would've went like, " I think I don't need so many material things. But i don't know if it's true."

Ok, so. Anyways.

I watched Angels and Demons with Jevan today. And. It was alright. Interesting enough. But i was having a massive headache so.

It's 3 plus in the morning. I'd better go.

Drifted

2009-04-20T22:30:00.002+08:00

We're drifting away.

Different directions.

Any direction.

Like jellyfish.

Accidentally.

2009-04-12T01:02:00.002+08:00

Jevan and I got into an accident two days ago.

He was driving down the ramp in the car park, and it's kind of hard to explain, but it was unfortunate that he decided to take a short cut, but for the record, it's usually okay to do that, cuz if everyone is going slow they'll pardon you anyway.

But not that night. some bugger was driving like, REALLY fast in the car park, and he came speeding up the slope as we went past, and i heard this loud THUD kind of sound, and i turned to Jevan to see what happened, and all i saw was that the glass on his side of the window was shattered (though it didn't like, fall to the ground or something). It was so scary. And Jevan wasn't moving (he was also stunned)... But he was ok..

It took me awhile to realise that we were hit.

There wasn't any loud horns or screeching tires like in the movies. It was just a loud THUD.

The guy then came out and started taking photos, and Jevan couldn't get out from his sie cuz the door was smashed in, so he had to come out from mine. I went to get his father and yeah.

I guess I'm just glad that we are alive. And injury-free. And we even have a hamster now! Her name is Little Booger. But i digress.

Curse you crazy bugger! Who does 30km/h in a carpark! A bit faster and someone could have been injured!!!

Or died!

And all you get on your car is scratches.

I guess we can never ever be sure about the way others behave, even though we try to be safe and all that...

And, oh, never underestimate the love of a parent.

give me that cat la

2009-04-04T00:26:00.002+08:00

Hmmm. Well. I came across my mother's blog (okay, i searched it, so what! lots of people do that! their own mothers, i mean, not mine. As in, they search for their own parents blogs. Not search for my mother's. But i digress.) Anyways, i thought of posting a comment on one of her posts.

And boy did i think about it.

In the end, i came up with this:

hi Jeanie,
you seem to like cats! Why not get one for your daughter's
birthday? I'm sure she would love to have one.
No family is complete without a cat. :)
Nice stitching, btw. Keep up the good work! :)
- anonymous

Do you think she'll know it was me?

Ginger

2009-03-27T01:27:00.002+08:00

Here comes that woman again. Egad. Can't i ever take a nap in peace. Ah. She's making that lizard noise. Must resist. Musn't.. loook.. Dang. I looked.

Now she's really coming over.

Ah. She's saying something over and over agian. Ignore her. Ignore her. What the. She's sticking something in my face. And we makes this annoying sound. Must. Rotate. Ears. Away.

It's not working. She's here thinking i am closing my eyes in joy because she is rubbing my neck. Someone should write i book about this.

Need to get rid of her. Time for Plan B.

FLY, my fur! FLY! Yes! Fly, my friends! Go forth! Stick! Cling!

And that is how my photography session with Ginger ended. I had a nose and hair full of cat fur (she was at my eye level).

I swear she thinks I am crazy.

But seriously, if Ginger could talk, she wouldn't.

Things to do

2009-03-26T03:11:00.003+08:00

Maybe i need to update this blog more often.

And i need to start sleeping earlier. My headaches are getting more frequent and more. uhm. throbby.

My body is breaking down (but, unfortunately, not breaking down the fats fast enough.)

I had my last Drawing lesson at NIE today. *SOB* I really am going to miss it. Fortunately, i took some charcoal to remind me of the place, so it's not that bad. The teacher gave them away okay. It's not like I always steal from the art room. Sheesh. Relax people!

The last production night for the nanyang Chronicle is tomorrow. Ah. Finally.

I know i keep talking about schoolwork, but trust me, when i have the time i will say so much more. Ah ha. Alrighty.

Hang in there (hang like a hangnail?)...

Everything's going to be just fine... Speaking of fine, Jevan almost got fined today for illegal parking. Fortunately he ran fast enough, and drove the car away at the speed of light (20km/h) and so, all was good.

Alrighty. He will kill me if he finds out it's 3am and im still not asleep. Die.

Ohyes. I have been sleeping at 3 am for the past week already. Haha. I'm nocturnal. Like a hamster.

ohyes. We had to draw each other for our last lesson of drawing class. And well. Apparently this is what i look like:

sweet dreams.

what was i supposed to do again?!

Buying vegetables

2009-03-11T07:57:00.002+08:00

It's 8 am in the morning, and I realized that last week, i had very little, or no sleep at all.

But that's okay. The only concern on my mind right now is, what vegetables should i buy? And i know for a fact that the Chinese guy in my Art class (he is from China, therefore, he is Chinese) will probably urn up with a like five different types of vegetables.

The last time we ahd this drawing session, we were told to bring three or four of a fruit. He brought an entire fruit basket. AND he drew everything. Ah well.

Time to head out again.

I've started to get the nightmares again. MAaaare maaare.

Numbers

2009-02-11T14:01:00.004+08:00

There are 24 hours in a day. And i spend 11 hours in school.
Takes 4 hours to travel to and from school.

24-11-4= 9.

6 hours for sleep.

9-6=3

3 hours.

3 hours a day.

Time spent checking e-mails - 1 hour

3-1=2

2 hours.

My days are numbered.

tummy aches

2009-01-12T11:42:00.003+08:00

My name is Sarah.

Today is my first real day of school.

I have a tummy ache.

I can hear the birds in my balcony. They are sparrows, with black markings that look like eyes to trick their predators into thinking that they are watching, and also so that they won't attack their real eyes.

They are flying into my kitchen now, and i don't want to scare them away because I left them a bit of potatoes and some bread crumbs. My mother will be quite annoyed if she finds out.

My father will be home in awhile, and he will shoo them away. But for now, I am all alone, and i have a tummy ache.

Today is my first real day of school.

School's in

2009-01-06T14:59:00.003+08:00

It's been awhile since i've blogged (i know i said that the last time, but look at the date, please. Ah! See? SEE? One year passed already right! Hah!)

And now I'm back in school. Sitting at the Lee Wee Nam's Quiet Zone. No, it's really called the "Quiet Zone". Somehow it's so weird now that everyone's gone. Well, more or less. It's like, Amos, Pamy, Weili and Liyana have gone abroad. Admittedly, I haven't been around much. In fact, i am guilty of not being so in touch. Ah well. I'm sorry.

Let's see if I'm biting off more than i can chew again this semester. In addition to TV Spectrum, i'm thinking of joining the Chronicle as well. Hmmm. I don't know.

I just want to spend all my time with Jevan.

HELLO EVERYBODY

2008-11-25T13:26:00.003+08:00

HELLO EVERYBODY. I am very excited because i have not blogged for ages, and I've watched Madagascar 2 twice (it's SO FUNNY! And i love King Julien, like, seriously! I swear if there were King Julien toys that could talk i'd buy them all! I already have the Mcdonald's figurine cuz Jevan got it for me..... :D) AND NOW THIS!

They have come sucha long way. Long long long way. So do come if you can. You'll have a good time. I promise. Unless you are one of those.

I still don't have my T-shirt, cuz Iqbal is now not authorised to print stuff cuz they have an endorsement deal. Well. I am secretly thinking of printing my own illegal fan t-shirt.. Hey! they do it all the time on The Price is Right.

BOO. And yeah. Welcome back Azimah! And hello hello hello. to da holidays! To make it not seem like i am gloating, i have postponed my post-exam bragging by almost a week! i actually ended on the 20th of November! LUCKY ME.

Haha. till the next post. Love.

Painful things

2008-10-22T14:04:00.002+08:00

It's only Wednesday.

And this week has already been a lot more than I bargained for.

I had another wisdom tooth extracted on Monday. The process itself didn't hurt, it was like, numb. And yeah. My tongue was numb because i didn't think the anesthetic dripping on my tongue was abnormal. So there was to be:

- NO spicy food
- NO hot drinks
- NO cold drinks
- NO exercise

..and i had NO painkillers! The dentist prescribed panadol.

On Tuesday i couldn't stop crying. Like, i cried all the way home from school. I don't know why. Thank Allah for Jevan. That guy ah. I don't know how i can live without him. He came over, fed me (well, not exactly. He made me eat because I hadn't eaten since morning). And stayed with me till i went for the wake.

My grand uncle passed away on Sunday i think. But last night was the first time i actually saw a corpse (oh god. to say it, makes him sound almost dehumanised, but then again.)

I was so scared. My mother said to think of it as though he was sleeping. I don't know. It was still pretty scary. I was shaking when i sat down outside after that. I guess I have a few issues with the customs and beliefs like, what I'm supposed to do (I don't do the joss stick thingy) and my father said next time i don't actually have to see the body. Just our presence is a sign of respect.

Ok. i feel i'm typing really badly. okay. I'm too damn tired.

You are wrong

2008-10-08T14:38:00.003+08:00

If you thought i had something better to do, then YOU ARE WRONG!

In fact, i have absolutely nothing better to do, because my lecture is only starting in fifteen minutes and not only am i bored, i am incredibly sleepy, given that i have been sleeping really late (because of cleani- AHHH I cannot tell you, later not surprising anymore!! Ok, i'll stop now. I mean it.)

Anyways, i realized i have been wrong about quite a few things and yes, being the greater person, i will admit it, and stand corrected. It's like, sometimes you know things but in actual fact, you really don't and (ok, i feel quite self conscious now because Karen just asked me what i'm doing. Apparently this keyboard makes a lot of noise, and my typing furiously is not helping. I type furiously because i make a lot of mistakes and therefore i get furious. Apparently the )

Ok what was i saying before i digressed?!

Oh yeah. I was saying that I will be bored until lecture starts, during which i will write letters to my boyfriend, who just *SNIFF* left for the mountians today. And he won't be back till *sniff* the 15th (of October).... SO, if you wanna ask me out, do so now!!! I AM A FREE WOMAN! Ok, just kidding.

Anyways, yes. After sleeping in my bedroom for the past 4 years (or more.. But we spend a third of our lives asleep, or dead or something. So I'm not too sure), I believed the the blinds in my room were purple and gray. But last night after cleaning the blinds, i realised all along that it was pink! How gross is that?

I meant the colour, not the dust. Had i known, I'd have left a layer of dust so it'll be purple again (which is actually quite disgusting, come to think of it)! but its ok. At least the windows are clean now. And so is the floor.

I found the Call card i lost in February. and it still has a value of 59 cents, which allows me to call Thailand (the place, not a person called Thailand) for 7 minutes and 21 seconds.

Wokay. It's almost lecture time. Time to start writing my love letters.

Growing up.

2008-10-07T13:49:00.007+08:00

In the event that anyone thinks that I have left this place, uh, this is a notice (or a sign? Is this a sign? Or is it a warning?) that i have not.

Ok, that was it.

Hmmm. It's been a few days since Azimah left for Jeddah^. Yes, I'm fine! *SNIFF* abosolute-*sniff*-ly fine... Haha. But i really am fine. I hope she's enjoying herself.

HEY, AZIMAH, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING YOURSELF! HEH!

^ Jeddah; not to be confused with Jedai, which has to do with Star Wars.

And it's been so long *sniff* since I've seen my *SniffFFf* boy*SNIFFf* friend *SNIFF SNORTXL* since he left for the land of Elephants ( Ah, the lovely Thailand. Or is it the Land of Pineapples? One can never be sure.) and Beer shirts. Yes. He'd better not bring any of those back.

J, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, DON'T BRING ANY OF THOSE BACK!

Ohyes, and here's wishing everyone, SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

If you don't celebrate it, just substitute the "Selamat hari raya" for "happy birthday".

I know you're probably wondering why i'm typing each sentence as a paragraph. I you weren't, now you might be. But wonder no more! I will not do it. I will now proceed to type in an extremely long paragraph which will hopefuly not be too hard to read, but if you missed it i's probably no big deal. Its not like I won't be using punctuation or something, i will. Haha. Hmmm. I think my life has changed quite a bit.

Ohyes, I've started running (ok la. jogging. OK LA. Walking fast. Okkk la, walking slowly for long distances which i hope can substitue for the time it takes to run, or walking twice as far as i will run.). It is a rather good way to destress.

That is, until i come home all sticky and sweaty and my face red (because i have excellent blood circulation despite my clogged up arteries) then go take a bath and realize afterwards that i have no clean underwear so i get very stressed then i find some clean underwawer then i realise that my skin is awfully itchy cuz of the sweat just now even though i have wiped it off, and i get even more stressed about my sensitive skin, which then triggers my eczema which acutally causes me more stress because it's so itchy but i cannot scratch it, which makes me do something else with my body, like look at my knuckles then i have to puck my knuckle hair because i get bored and i need to disract myself but i realise my nails are too long and i need the nail clipper which i seem to just not be able to find........

Come to think of it, maybe jogging isn't such a good idea.

I've been taking time to sort myself out. And i've finally come to terms with the fact that... *sob* I have turned 18. And it's time to be more independent. It's not like I'm 16 anymore.

I guess everyone is growing up. And things are gonna change.

In the words of Keane,
"Bedshaped, and legs of stone"

AH HA! You thought i was going to say "Everybody's changing" right? HA! See, I outsmarted you! WAHAHA. Though the relevance to what i said and the lyrics are highly irrelevant, this is my blog and i say i am smarter than you!

OH! And i absolutely love Daniel Powter's "Next plane home".. Hmmm. Lovely song. Lovely song.

Ok, bye everyone!

I didnt mean to sound so chirpy. ok, so i won't say goodbye.

(This is the end of this post)

A trying day, Alleycats and a weary heart

2008-09-11T01:04:00.003+08:00

OK. i'm not going to go all emo. Okay. Maybe I am.

I am extremely tired (so is everyone else, i know). I am listening to Alleycats now, and i feel like swaying my head side to side and there is an overall sense of melancholy and i feel like I'm on some kind of drug. I feel sedated.

I cut my hair, but i'll probably grow it out before Raya.

I have my tablet (it's not a pill. It's a piece of electronic equipment.. And it was a bit costly but i guess it's worth it. I dunno. I've been wanting it for awhile so i guess it was about time.) now and yes. I bought it myself.

The one thing that is keeping me strong is Jevan. Seriously. But now that he's gone and i haven't seen him for a long time, i guess we aren't that dependent on each other physically (as in, to be physically there). We can't afford to be.

And one month (or less) till Azimah leaves.

And the Paparazzi play.

Oh boy oh boy.

Love will keep me alive.

Framed

2008-09-01T14:01:00.005+08:00

Ah ha. I shall start this post with pictures. (darn I started with words! See, the "Ah ha. I shall start his post with pictures.")

Ok whatever.

Ohyeah. I should have done this eons ago. But yes. I've finally framed these things up. Better out than left in the plastic bag (Gosh, yes. I keep my art in a plastic bag! Haha. It's those BIG thin plastic bags la.).

So yeah.

Finally.

Fasting month dawns upon us.

One month ago?

2008-09-01T13:52:00.002+08:00

According to Blogger, the last time i blogged was on the 6th of August. Which means it's been almost a month since my last post.

This is entrily true.

While i haven't been blogging often, i have thought of blogging every once in awhile. I suppose it's a spur of the moment thing. Like, when i feel i have something really important that i need to tell someone.

And yes. i have to announce this to the world.

I HAVE PREMIUM LIBRARY MEMBERSHIP!

I know it sonds super geeky, but wait till i tell you about the priviledges i get! I get to borrow EIGHT BOOKS!! HA! Take that you normal 4 books per person readers. ANd, during the holidays i get to borrow 16 books! While you guys only get 8! Take that!

What did i have to sacrifice? Only $21 for the entire year. HA.

Ohyeah, and after this post, my social life.

School is so cool

2008-08-06T12:29:00.003+08:00

School's starting again. Well. Actually, it's started already, so you can pretty much guess what this post will be about. Exactly! The holidays!

I can't wait till my next holiday! Seriously!

Only two days at school and i feel incredibly exhausted. Maybe it's because i woke up quite early (i say "quite" because there'd be people who go like, "But i wake up earlier than that! What are YOU complaining about!!") this morning and yesterday morning and so that to make it to lessons on time (which, incidentally, is my plan this semester).

Yesiree, i'm going to be early for school (or at least, on time.)!

My holidays were wonderful! I enjoyed Tioman and i enjoyed seeing people i wanted to see (and still want to see) and hanging out with my lovely friends (doesn't everyone? Unless you don't have any. Then you won't enjoy it).

Thanks for making my holidays so wonderful folks.

School time!

Shopping for love

2008-07-03T01:06:00.003+08:00

My hands are shaking and I am exercising an INCREDIBLE amount of self-restraint as i look at the dress, so pretty and white in the picture.

It is on sale. Only $20 (excluding postage), and i am THIS close to commenting on it. Twenty dollars. And it is so pretty. So pretty. So pretty.

It's much cheaper than the $69.90 polka dot dress (now STILL ONLY 20% off!! Likw, what is the deal with these people??!), so technically, since $21.50 is CHEAPER than $55.90, I have actually saved uh. Some money!

So pretty.

It is so pretty.

Granted, it may be different from the dress at Isetan, but, who's comparing. This one is also very pretty. And cheaper.

And pretty.

Pretty white dress.

Restrain. Control. Mantain.

ALAMAK! Cannot!

MUST BUY!!!

Jevan, i have failed you.*

*Can i get a rebate or something? Or reimbursement? Hello? Hello?

Eh, surprisingly, typing that made me not comment on it yet! Haha. This blogging is actually delaying my buying process. HAH. Yes. This is good. now, I'll close all the windows (in the computer, not in my house), and SWITCH THE COMPUTER OFF! WAHAHAHa! I AM GOOD!

Maybe, tomorrow, if I still want it badly, I'll comment.

I said maybe ok!

I'm exercising self-control okay!

But if i don't, can i still get a rebate?

I WANT IT that way

2008-06-27T17:20:00.006+08:00

I know i once did a post mocking (well.. not exactly mocking. I was uh.. emulating.. yeah.) online shops and HERE I AM AGAIN!

But this time, i have refined my art, and i have done intensive research which involved me going through pages and pages of searches (I'm at page 60 of the google search for keywords "Dresses livejournal", if you must know) which was incredibly time and money consuming (because i buy things that i like and these dresses and clothes cost money).

Not to worry folks, I'm not selling anything today (which is exactly what they say before they ask you for "donations"). I just want to say that recently the toga top has become popular I don't know why.

And, I am so glad it is, because I have been searching for it for a long time (since like, two years ago, when my friend pointed out that they are hard to find because they are so unpopular. But now, SEE SEE!! )

Sadly, because it was unpopular, yes, not many shops carried it. In fact, it was rare for a shop to even carry a toga, let alone the nice ones we see on the blogshops nowadays. Back then, spag straps were in (I, unfortunately, did not have one until when the trend was dying out, then i bought myself a camisole. But it was too late. I was UNCOOL.)

Ok, before the guys (readers) eyes start to glaze over, what I'm saying is that, now that the trend is back in, these things start to get expensive, because well, i'm no econs student, but, there is a demand for them.

So, on a budget of $80 left to shop till the following monday, i simply cannot afford a toga dress that they sell online (approx $25-30). And suddenly, on the night of 27th June, at about 2.30 am, voila! I had a plan.

And the results i will present in an online shop format.

SARAH'S TOGA TOPDRESS

(1 PIECE ONLY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD)

- Made of velvet

-Can be worn both as a top and as a mini dress, and hence the name "Topdress"

- Slits at the side, so shorts are recommended. (:

-Great as a casual or date dress

- Can be worn with of whithout the thin strap.

-One of a kind, hand-sewn dress (It's hand-sewn because i don't have a sewing machine. Pffft.)

-EXCLUSIVE TO SARAHNONYMOUS

- Price non-nego. Not for sale.

-Belt not included

- Fits Uk 6-10

(but a bit tight for 10 and might be loose for 6, so actually 8 is just nice)

- Ptp: Snug under the pits. no need to measure.

length from shoulder: short enough

Additional Info: Model is 156cm, Uk 8-10 (depending on water retention), weighs quite a bit, uses deodorant, has sensitive skin and loves cats.

COMMENT ONLY IF YOU ARE GOING TO PRAISE ME or have something nice to say. NON PRAISERS WILL BE BLACKLISTED! NO DEADPRAISERS PLEASE!! I WILL BLACKLIST YOU!!

AND NO TRADES, unless you are willing to get nothing in return.

Praises must be made within 24 hours.

Thanks! :)

So there! I know. I have to brag about every small achievement i make because my achievements are far and few. Fewer than farther. I think.

Well. Seriously though, I think a sewing machine could have gotten the job done a lot faster. And maybe nicer too. :

I took about 7 hours in total to stitch up the entire top (after cutting etc). Didn't really do measurements, but I'm happy with the results and I'm pretty sure it won't come apart during the wash.

I think i have just reinforced Jin's point about the loose buttons. Dang! I'm turning into some kind of Martha Stewart! Scary huh.

Anyways.

This is how the original thing looked.

BEFORE

Oh, it used to belong to my mother, but i figured that if she didn't wear it for so long (it also qualifies as authentic"vintage", though now no longer) i might as well have it. And modify it. Mwahaha.

AFTER

And lastly, my cousin's son (Is he my nephew??!) the adorable baby boy Yusof. :)

And no, those are not her arms. And my aunt is not trying to choke the baby or something. He just looks like that. Don't ask me why. But still. SO CUTE LA.

Houselife Crisis

2008-06-26T15:37:00.003+08:00

At a certain point in your life, you will experience what I have come to call the Houselife Crisis. This often happens when you

a) spend too much time in the house

b) suddenly decide to take on responsibility for the household chores

c) think of yourself as some kind of housewife/ hotel chambermaid

d) do not even need to be paid to do the housework.. it is simply like, a calling!

So then, what happens (well, at least what happened to me), is that you start taking over the household, making the beds, doing the laundry (like, hanging out the clothes, taking them down, folding them etc) and worst of all, you do the most disgusting act imaginable to mankind- WASH THE TOILET*.

*Which, apparently, to some people (and my mother) is no big deal because they do it all the time in the army (not my mother). Well. Do i look like I'm from the army to you? I knowwww.

Basically you start doing things you've always not wanted to do. And you actually enjoy it!

Now, do not worry if you have, like me, been doing these horrendous things. Houselife Crisis, unlike Herpes, will pass. Yes, like motion. Get it, Pass motion? HA HA. Alrighty. Where was I?

So yes. Do not worry if you have it, because this perfectly responsible behaviour can be corrected. How can one break away? How can you stop cleaning and fussing over the laundry? The laundry won't do itself! And gasp! All the hair choked up in the toilet won't get scooped up (I did this myself with a plastic bag and i am VERY proud of it) on its own! The beds won't be made** on their own!

(**For the record, this is the first time i'm making my bed in months. Because i really don't see the point. Like, you're gonna mess it up again when you sleep, see?)

Yes, yes. I hear ya! But i am, currently trying out a method which i hope can cure me of the Houselife Crisis.

Like today, I woke up ridiculously late and yes, i still made my bed. BUT, slowly I'm not going to do it anymore. Guess what! I haven't done the laundry! HAHA! HALFWAY HOUSE, HERE I COME!

The trick is to stop doing the most critical things first. then slowly you start doing the less significant things. And eventually, you will become what i used to be - an ungrateful and irresponsible slob!

So don't worry people. The next time you have a problem, come to me. I will fix it!

My boyfriend, the authority.

2008-06-24T00:08:00.007+08:00

It seems that suddenly, everyone seems to know my boyfriend. I do hope i don't talk too much about him, because it would make me one of those annoying people I often make fun of.

Anyways, yes.

I have come to realise that suddenly, the boyfriend has become some kind of authority, someone whom most people believe i need to ask permission from or to ask if i can gain something on my own.
Suddenly he's this mysterious rich guy who can pay for anything i want and give me anything i long to own.

He is "Your Boyfriend" and all you have to do is to "ask". Uh huh. Put those together and you get - "Ask Your Boyfriend" (but if you put it in the wrong order you will get "Your Boyfriend Ask" which doesn't really make much sense and sounds pretty broken). Sounds familiar?

But you see, sometimes, the thing is that it is PRECISELY that i want to leave my boyfriend alone that i ask YOU (the person whom i whine to or complain about etc) whatever i ask for.

Example 1: I see this shirt i like, but it's REALLY expensive.

Me: I really like this shirt, but it's really expensive.
Friend: Ask your boyfriend to get it for you.
Me: Are you crazy! It's EXPENSIVE. He'll say I'm crazy.

What the boyfriend really says:

"I'll buy it for you."

See? THis is exactly why i do not want to ask him to get me anything.

Now WHY would i want my boyfriend to pay for a gift for me, when I can get someone ELSE to waste THEIR money on me? Isn't the boyfriend supposed to special? Exactly. That's why I'm protecting His money, and using some other fool- i mean- friend's money instead.

This way, he saves his money, and i feel good that he's saving his money, so he can buy me something else that i do not ask for.

Now ain't I the dream girlfriend?

Example 2: I tell my sister i need a hug.

Me: I need a hug.
My Sister: EEee. Ask your boyfriend to hug you la.
Me: For what!

What the boyfriend really says:

"Here's a hug."

And so on and so forth. So you see, not only does this "Ask your boyfriend" thing just not make any sense, it is also not allowing me to make a profit and milk my friends for what they are worth. It is extremely ridiculous.

I mean, what next right? I can just imagine it:

Me: Will you marry me?
Guy: Ask your boyfriend to marry you la.
Me: ??!!

Exactly. It doesn't make sense. In the example above, CLEARLY i asked the person to marry me, but not only was i rejected, i was also told to "Ask [My] Boyfriend"! How horrible is that!

So the next time i ask you to get someting for me, and i whine and moan all day for it, do the smart thing and just get it for me. As wonderful friends, don't you want for me to be happy?

I thought so too! Therefore i have prepared a list of things you can buy for me to make me happy. Just ask me. Prices range from SGD 10 to SGD10000000. And now that i have iBanking, it's so much easier for you to give me money/ carry out the transactions.

The list is avaliable. Just ask me!

And don't worry about asking the boyfriend.

He has his own.

*This post is not meant to be taken seriously, as with most things about life. Seriously. And no, my boyfriend, in real life, does not have a list. Though i hope the constant dropping of hints about wanting to see FIREWORKS might get through to him.

Crazy little thing called Death

2008-06-20T10:12:00.003+08:00

I fear death immensely.

I'm not just saying that because I am afraid to die. I'm saying that because for the past few nights, oh i don't know- maybe it's the malaysian air- I've been tossing and turning at night, the fear of death consuming me, wrapping around me like an incredibly itchy blanket.

It's not just the fear of my own death. It's fear of the death of others too. As usual, it brings tears to my eyes talking about the passing of my parents (in the future). It's something that's inevitable, yet somehow so difficult for me to grasp.

It's like, absolutely refusing to accept that your friend is gay.

Or that you've left your boyfriend.

Perphaps some may call it denial but i suppose i'd rather call it the Refusal of acceptance. It's not that you don't know or think that it's going to happen- you do and you you know it very well- it's just that it's hard to believe that it is real.

Maybe, you try to tell yourself, maybe he isn't really gay, or maybe we're still together.

Maybe people won't die anymore.

And i know i know, all the Neo malthusians* will throw stones or pieces of grass or their children on me because such a thing is a time when people won't die.

*Or what ever you call those people who believe in the Malthus theories about population checks, and that there will only be a certain number of people on earth bef will dthing will happen [i.e. a greaat flood] that will destroy lives so that the population will remain balanced. They are completely not related to the Simpsons.)

I realised the fragility of life just last night when one of my nightmares happened.

I stepped on a snail. The crush was unmistakable. And i was close to tears when my friend said it's just a snail. Let it go.

But that's the worst thing. It could have been a chestnut instead.

Ohwell.
Until my time comes, I'm going to keep worrying and praying that someday, it never will.

You'll be back

2008-06-12T00:57:00.003+08:00

This post was inspired by a song. Somewhat. Regina Spektor's "The Call". Also heard in Prince Caspian (Narnia. Not that the song was in the guy.)

Sometimes I wished things were different. Sometimes i wonder why i wonder.

You wait for an hour and a half. Then you walk for another five minutes. Then you wait again in a room with a locked door and a window of glass.

Then the announcement says you can go through. They unlock the door, and an eager crowd has gathered. They open the huge iron gates that separates us from them.

Then we all go to our respective rooms. Rooms with numbers on them. Rooms with glass panels in the middle.

You have twenty minutes. Half of it which you splutter over your words, because you are pretending that you are not crying.

Then suddenly time is up. Twenty minutes have never felt so short in your whole life. You start to cry again. This is ridiculous, you scream into the phone. But it's ok. He can hear you if you shout loud enough. It probably happens all the time. You try the phone again. Beep.

Bang on the glass. You scream half jokingly that they cheated you of your time.

The announcement tells you that visiting hours are over.

It's over.

You slide off the chair, defeated.

It really is the time to go.

It's only when you're far away from that place. Far, far away, then you suddenly feel incredibly sad.

And I hear his voice ringing in my head, "Why are you crying?"

***

You'll come back when it's over. No need to say goodbye.

Giant proclamations

2008-06-09T23:42:00.004+08:00

My hair stands when I see people openly proclaiming their love for one another. I'm talking about those couples who like, call each other lovey dovey names and use those disgusting pet names. Well, not everyone wants to know who you "hoochypie" is, okay.

It makes my hair stand. Augh. How sickening.

That said, I would just like to say this:

I miss you my hunnybunnywunckinmunckinsunnymunny!!! <3 <3>

Just kidding about that.

Anyways, my handphone is away for repairs. The music bar fell off. Well. Of course it didn't just "fall off". We all know now that there are "no such thing as accidents". So techincally when i said it "just fell off" it didn't "just fall off", it kinda uh, "just fell off" after a few drops. As in, i dropped it a coupla' times. Just a few. Like saaayyyy, four or five (or six).

Not to worry though, its still under warranty. I just got in in March! So it's not even a year! Haha! Boy, am i lucky or what? So yeah. All the messages are gone. Messages Jevan sent me while in Thailand. The birthday messages.. Ohwell.

It's a new start, I told the guy at the Nokia place. He just continued trying to remove my handphone strap. Some people are really just not good listeners.

Well, whatever it is. Good luck on whatever. Oh yeha. I'm thinking of learning how to play the guitar. Then i can be even cooler than cool (because i already know iBanking). I know i haven't completed my piano studies. Ohwell.

CONGRATULATIONS!

2008-06-07T01:49:00.006+08:00

HELLO! Dear EVERYBODY,

I don't mean to brag or anything but you can now tell all your friends that you know the COOLEST PERSON in this entire ONLINE WORLD.

You read that right! (If you read it wrong you can scroll up and read it again. It's ok. I'll wait.)

Well, you must be wondering WHY I have proclaimed myself that (and you, of course, to be the second greatest; there is only one greatest and it is me. like, DUH.).

BEHOLD! (sorry if i shocked you)

I HAVE this INCREDIBLE ELECTRONIC DEVICE (see diagram below) thingy that generates RANDOM NUMERIC DIGITS when you press the little red button!!

(Yeah. I know Chang has one too but HELLO. THIS IS MY MOMENT, so let me have it. SOUR GRAPES!)

(I pasted the black sticker over the red for a classic look. Plus it came free with the thing.)

Yes. This little thing allows me to MAKE ONLINE PURCHASES! In fact, I even CHECKED MY ACCOUNT BALANCE ONLINE!

How cool is that! And my online bank account tells me exactly where i spent the money and how much i have spent this week!

At first, I, like most of you, had no idea what i spent on this entire week.. BUT, thanks to this iBanking (I'm not sure if it's trademarked, so I'll just put the TM in case. I don't wanna get sued by a bank! Ha HA!) I now KNOW HOW MUCH this week!! If that's not awesome, I don't know what is!

And the amazing thing is, most of my purchases are made at this shoe shop called Mondo! Jeez! I wonder why! You'd think i like, buy shoes all the time or something*! Ha ha! I'm just kidding !

*i put this in case my boyfriend (and the entire male population of readers of my blog.. HAHA readers of my blog.. like, raiders of the ark! say it reaaaal fast. Anyways) reads this.

He'd probably go all exasperated trying to understand WHY i need so many pairs of shoes when i have yet to wear the gold one which i bought with him a month ago.

By the way, the reason is that it doesn't go with anything i have so i need more clothes to match the shoes.

So yeah. Well. That's enough for now. I need to CLEAR MY CACHE, like what the ONLINE BANKING people (are they really people or computers? Hyuk hyuk!) told me to.

It is VERY IMPORTANT, because i don't want people to HACK into my ONLINE BANK. (I say this softly, because i fear people will try to do it just to take over my ranking as coolest person.)

So yes. Congratulations to all of you, because you know me!

As a reward (the knowledge that you exist in the same world as me should be reward enough, but still. I like to give you all something once in awhile), the first 4000 people who meet me and give me $300 while saying the phrase "ONLINE BANKING IS THE NEW ATM IN YOUR HOUSE" stand a chance to win a trip for two** to Srisun Pratha Paradise (@ Tampines St 81)! That's right!

We will meet at the 291 bus stop and i will PERSONALLY walk you, and a loved one or friend, across the road to the PRATHA PARADISE!! Don't miss out on this lovely chance folks!

**Terms and conditions apply

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

I deserve every right to choose the winner and to label you a loser if you dont win.

Money is non-refundable.

Prize does not include cost of meal and other expenses.

You participate at your own risk, and at the thought that you might be a loser if i don't choose you to win.

Money is NOT refundable

I have the rights to do whatever i want and to call off this thing whenever.

This is an event not affliated in any way to Prata Paradise so what you do there is none of my business.

Money is STRICTLY NOT refundable.

I deserve the right to humiliate you in front of your family and friends and make you do the "loser dance" (which i have choreograhed) with all the other losers.

You are giving up all your rights as a person and are willing to be my slave for a period no shorter than 4 years when you particpate in this contest, and no, the money is not refundable.

So there you go. Good luck, and you have all the bragging rights in the world!

And by the way, pictures of my sister's leg injury. She had a fall sometime ago while away at camp.

WARNING: Pictures MAY be disturbing/ gross if you are a freak/ loser/ spineless doofus/ignoramus. I'M JUST KIDDING! But seriously. They're a little gross.

Ok, maybe they're a lot gross. Yeah. the first is the worst. Especially if you zoom in on it. Like i did.

OK, toodly doodly doo! Means "bye", if you're a guy, and "toodly doodle doo!" if you're a girl. Don't ask.

Gossip girl

2008-06-05T02:21:00.002+08:00

This is not a post about the show. In fact i have never even watched the show (and i have no intention to)! Haha!

Ok, so I know i haven't been around for quite awhile. And not to say that Im like, super popular or famous or whatever. But. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN GOSSIPING ABOUT ME. Jeez.

Little did i know that an argument with my boyfriend would take me to great heights of notoriety (or something). I do hope i am not known by a large part of the "commando batallion" and it is reaaaallly strange to have your best friend tell you that she heard someone talking about you on the MRT. Trust me, it really IS about you. And, you are nto sure who that person is. SPIES I TELL YOU!

Ohyeah. And now i am officially cool! Because I BOUGHT SOMETHING ONLINE! Woohoo! I was up till 4 a.m. two nights ago looking for something to buy online, and unfortunately i found nothing special. HOWEVER, the next day (yesterday), i bought something and i have TRANSFERED THE MONEY!

Am i cool or what? (Answer is cool)

And i told this RCG (it is an abbreviation for Really Cute Guy, but I don't want anyone to know what it really means) about my online purchase and he told me that you could buy almost anything online. There's legal weed, used panties, jesus statues, vintage condoms and expired gum. In fact he said if Ghandi was alive, they'd sell him too.

And guess who would buy him if she could. Here's a clue: SHE HAS MADE HER FIRST ONLINE PURCHASE!

OH, THIS HAS JUST COME IN!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

MY EXAM RESULTS!

B-, A, B, A+, B+, S

If you read it real fast, it sounds like, BABABS! SO cool! I'll calculate what the score is. Or if anyone knows it, please let me know. Thanks.

WOOHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

SEEYA'LL AROUND!

Traps

2008-05-20T01:10:00.004+08:00

It's like, when someone puts a picture of someone somewhere, and you are supposed to ask who that person is to him or her, and you know that He wants you to ask about it because his display picture on msn is just open on your screen and you want to say something but you don't really know what to say or ask without sounding like you really care when you actually do, but you don't really know why but it somehow just matters?

Yeah. It's quite a mouthful and a long sentence but yes. According to a friend of mine (who also taught me to use the phrase 'Foad' to the above-mentioned anonymous general "someone"), this whole thing is a set-up.

It is a trap!

A BOOBY TRAP! (Fortunately, i have tiny boobs, so booby traps don't work on me! And anyone who says my boobs are just fine, will be labelled as a pervert, so don't even bother.)

It's to see if you really care enough to ask about it. And when you do, Oh hohoho. The consequences could be dire. (Well, by dire i mean you'd be deeply embarrassed when he says something like, "oh, she's just my cousin. Why do you care?")

Then you'd be forced to lie and say something like, "Oh, i was just curious", which technically, isn't a lie because you really are curious but it's a bit more than that. Like, it's a weird.. uh. Weird feeling. And you know and he knows and you know that you both know and then there's be this tense moment of knowingness though both of you don't really know what you think you really know.

See? You are confused already.

But yeah. It was a trap alright.

How do i know that? Well. When questioned about the photograph, the certain someone acted all confused and went like, "who?" and all i really wanted to do was really to put my tiny hands around his neck and squeeze the bejesus (or is it 'bejeezuz') out of him.

So the score, or at least, as my friend put it, is equal. And He equalised 1-1. Tit for tat. Hit for hat. Brick for Bat. Mick for Mat. Rick for Rat. Shit for shat. oh my! I'm on a roll! This is so cool! HAHA. Lick for lat (pronounced Ler-AT). Fish for FAT! WOOHOO. Don't stop me now! Ok, stop me.

I think you get it.

But you know what. I'm not gonna keep score anymore (not only because it is 2-1 to him; he ended the conversation before i could. AUGH. The damned Bugger keeps pre-empting me!)

But yeah. The point is. This battle is over. I am sick of fighting it anymore (not to mention that i keep losing, damnit!). I'm going to swallow my pride. And yes, I'll admit that i have lost.

Yes.

As a good friend puts it: "he's over. yesterday's garbage. junk".

You know what.

It's time to take out the trash.

P.s. I have no idea what "bejesus". I thought it sounded cool.

i learnt this from "Get Fuzzy"

2008-05-19T22:55:00.004+08:00

Oh my head.

Who the #($*%^@ is she?

And.

Why do i care?

So many things

2008-05-15T09:28:00.004+08:00

Just some stuff i've been doing over the holidays.

I have so many things to say, having been offline for so long. I seldom do personal posts but this is one of them.

1) I would like to thank all my wonderful friends for all the birthday celebrations. It was fantasticles!

2) I would like to thank the good samaritan Uncle who so wonderfully returned my wallet to me! I left it on the bus and i didn't even realize until he came knocking on my door telling me that he found my wallet.

3) I would not like to thank the boy who took my 60 cents (which i think was my act of charity)

4) 05A03 Class gathering, those of you who have not gotten the message, it'll be on 31st May 08, 7p.m. Please confirm attendance with me. Don't be a stuck-up Ass ok. If i call you on Saturday it means you ae a stuck-up ass. Thanks.

Ok, this is as personal as it gets. What were you expecting? Stuff about my now non-existent love life?

No time is a good time for goodbye.

Horror in the Mirror Room

2008-05-01T01:20:00.003+08:00

I should have known, two nights ago, when my sister came into my room and said in a suspiciously calm voice, "Jie, do not be alarmed if you see a lizard in the toilet. It was there in the morning but i think it's crawled out the window or something." that the first thing i should do was panic.

Instead, i was calm for awhile. And that night, i slammed the toilet door open, and checked every nook and cranny for the offending visitor. He wasn't around. So i took it as a sign that all was well.

The next morning, somehow the fear began to kick in, and as a friend accurately describes it, telling me not to worry is like taking a plane and all of a sudden, the air stewardess says, "Don't worry. Everything is under control. Oh, and we are screening Conair tonight."

Thankfully, all was well. And the next day passed uneventfully. In fact, i even begun to suspect that perhaps this whole lizard thing was an urban legend, something coined up by my sister so that i would spend less time in there....

Until ten minutes ago.

I went into the toilet, and reached out for my contact lens case on the shelf underneath the mirror when i saw the bloody thing scuttle behind the mirror! I let out an involuntary squeak, and clutched my chest, if this bloody thing was going to see me then it will not see me in my bra (thank god i wasn't naked. that perverted lizard!!)!

NEVER! Damn creature!

I managed to get my stuff done. But i still have to return in there to brush my teeth tonight. Sheesh. This is so hard. It's just a lizard, you say.

Ah, but it's not Just a lizard ok! It's a tiny creature with tiny beady eyes and a slimy body and it's EVIL! PURE EVIL (save the fact that it eats mosquitoes, so it's only 80% evil. sheesh.) i tell you!

SAVE YOURSELVES! SAVE YOURSELVES!!

Maybe i'll have to invent an anti-lizard suit.

MY LOVE!

2008-04-22T17:23:00.004+08:00

HELLO! Unfortunately (or fortunately), this is not my love.

BUT THIS!:

OH YEAH BABY OH YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

IT WAS F**KING AWESOME.

There are no other words i can use to describe it. The whole theatre (except the handicapped people and the old farts (who cannot really stand up and dance) and the chi-chi crowd who were too atas (high- class) to stand up and ROCK was up on their feet and rocking it out near the stage.*

*Whole= 70%

Merchandising works awfully well on me, and i spent close to (well, actually, over) a hundred dollars on the stuff that is like, waaaaaaaay awesome!

And I am now a fan of MiG Ayesa!!!! He looks a bit like a hobbit, but it's kinda cute i think. In a hobbit-esque way. Listen to his version of "Who wants to live forever". Made my hair stand. Like, seriously.

Well, It was so awesome that we were singing "bohemian rhapsody" all the way out of the theatre, into the car, and at the airport, even. OHMAGAW!

IS THIS THE REAL LIFE!!

OR IS THIS JUST FANTASY!

CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIDE!

NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY!

WOAH YES! THEY CERTAINLY ROCKED ME! Because WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!

In case you've been living under a rock/ Choa Chu Kang/ Yew Tee, and have never heard Bohemian Rhapsody:

And this is "Who wants to live forever":

This post is dedicated to Freddie Mecury, and the cast of WWRY. Thank you for giving me such a good time.

When i say this post, i meant the top bit. until here.

And sorry to be anti-climax, but i bought this beautiful hairband!

And Azimah has already gotten me my early birthday present! Ohmagaw! It's very lovely. And she has one too, so we are like, a couple.

Thank you Azimah! <3

I hope everyone's been doing well. I guess i need to focus on two more papers next week, and then i can be a full time free soul. I'm going to ens with a totally random pic of T3. And ching. Ching in T3. The escalators are like, endlessly long.

Who wants to live forever?

NO WAY

2008-04-18T00:24:00.003+08:00

I took this off Bal's facebook:

Thursday, 17th April 2008, 3:37 am, i awoke from a very deep sleep, feeling really thirsty. Walked downstairs to the fridge and got a glass of water and then i start to wonder,"Why am i playing in a band", "Why did i even bother doing it?".

It came to my mind that i had more interest in "Drums" more than the music that's been playing around me in the past four years. It seems to me that its hard to create dreams to come true when the rest of the members are not thinking the same way.

Then again is this just how the local market works? Can you be a musician as long as you live, make it into a lifetime career, i guess in Singapore its hard, a musician either do it as passion or a hobby. (Unless you're the musician from a bar, performing in the resident band as a career- thats different)

Having to figure all these out after four years of playing with, "Summer's Over". I question myself," where are we heading?".

Then it all came to mind, i was actually trying to lead a “Dream” that will never come true. The “Dream” i should be having is actually to concentrate on school,work and my love life. Music is a passion and my passion is to play drums. Funny, how it all came to me today, on a time, I'm mostly asleep.

I’ve decided to leave the band(still uncertain), as i see no point in putting in my time and effort anymore. I’ve done so much and never got anything in return. Now i can actually prioritize life on school, work and my ever so wonderful love life. Maybe i’d regret doing this in the future but i think enough is enough, everyone’s got their own life to lead.

Sher Iqbal Texeira
Summer's Over

And i was like, WTH. No way..

But it all makes sense. I guess after a certain age, you realize that these dreams may really just be dreams.

I still love Summer's Over.

***

And i have such wonderful friends. I am truly grateful.

TOEFL

2008-04-14T15:16:00.003+08:00

Here is a picture of my toe.

I know it kinda looks a bit gross, but if you look at it for a long time, it's not so bad. Really!

See, look at it again (from far. But not far enough! Ha, ha!).

I wanted to say "Here are pictures of my toes" but i only really wanted to show one toe, TOE (get it, "toe" sounds like "though", ha ha ha.) the caption wouldn't fit the picture then. Hmmm. Such difficult decisions.

And now, i have two papers tomorrow! Time to put my best foot forward (which is my left foot, cuz my right is half toe-less! Ha Ha !) Ok.

Happy examining people (happy taking exams)!

To all those not taking exams.. LOSERS! You DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING!

My toe and i, ho ho ho.

2008-04-10T23:35:00.002+08:00

We don't really feel like talking right now.

My toe and I.

We.

We're feeling a bit vunerable right now.

My toe and I.
We.

I just scraped the nail of he. My toe and I,

me.

And now the skin is exposed for all.

for all.

See.

***

Wow! I just wrote a poem about me peeling off my toe nail. It was supposed to come off anyway. These things aren't "built to last". I might put up a photo if I have the opportunity. Hopefully it won't heal by then.

Then again, i hope it heals soon. Or something. Or something. My soft nail. Exposed.

You can ring my belllllll

2008-04-10T01:04:00.003+08:00

This post is a gentle reminder, like a probe in the anus, that one must never be too sure when it comes to technology.

Last night, i kind of got into an argument of sorts with a certain guy whom i certainly like very much. So, me, being me, went into this little tantrum-y state, and i was getting annoyed (because my fuse is short, and it was going to blow), and this guy just had to mention what he would do if i ever did hang up on him.

I suppose he thought i wouldn't do it.

So i did it.

In a tiny fit (not the spasm kind, the angry kind.), i pressed the tiny red button (or light or keypad or whatever you call it nowadays) and tossed my phone on the bed.

Then i went to brush my teeth and like, because i knew he would call me back, and i could just ignore it, and make him feel guilty (i know, i am such a bitch). So off i went, doing my own thing and when i came back about ten minutes later, i was shocked to find that he hadn't called me back!

The shock then turned to appallation (or whatever it is that happens when you are appalled) when i realised that HE WAS STILL ON THE LINE.

Well. I kinda forgot i locked the keypad. So, technically, i didn't actually hang up. Damn.

I felt so guilty. And there he was, still on the line, calling out to me, and apologising all the time.

My guilt knew no bounds (ok, well. You think of a better expression!) yet i had to act nonchalant, and as though the whole thing was planned.

And today, when this same guy waited for me outside the tuition place after my art class, with some old chang kee (though no chicken wings. damn.), i was absolutely swept away (as in, the feeling. Not like, he took a broom and swept me or something.)

Looking back though, i think i was quite an idiot, really. My first failed hang-up with Jevan. Damn.

The meeting with my Dad today, i will save for another time. Seriously. so much drama.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

LOVE IS IN THE HAIR

2008-04-07T10:37:00.005+08:00

DO NOT READ THIS POST If YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING LOVEY DOVEY/ WARM AND FUZZY/ ME

WOW. LOVE IS IN THE AIR!!!

I AM SO HAPPY FOR TERENCE!!!!!

WOOHOOOOOO!!!!

OKay, for those of you who don't exactly know who Terence is, then. WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!! Actually, that's pretty rich coming from me, because i linked up his blog wrongly ( but i've gotten that fixed already, so, it's not my fault! Anymore. It's not my fault anymore.)

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Well. With all the couply atmosphere in the air, you'd think it's mating season or something! Jeez! But i'm just kidding, ha, ha. For I, too, am in such a couply spirit, ha ha!

Ah, but i don't want to get carried away (by my boyfriend, get it, ha ha ha.) and indulge in this couply world of mine, so i have thought of some things you can do if you are single.

1) Look at the photo below, and imagine yourself in my place, then photoshop your face in.:

2) Uh. That's all. I can't really think of anything right now. My brain is in the clouds.

Ten Minutes With Myself

2008-03-31T13:43:00.002+08:00

Since no one will do an interview on me, and i would rather do anything but study, i decided to do a ten minte interview with myself.

Wow. What a wonderful waste of time. So here I am, being interviewed by myself to promote my fake album.

Me: So how have you been so far since the release of your first album?
Me: Haha (laughs). It's been pretty ok. I guess there are things that I'm really happy about.. And then there's school....

Me: Haha. No kidding! So tell us more about your life... Is it true that there is someone new?
Me: Haha. Wherever did you hear that from! Yeah. I have.

Me: Tell us more!
Me: What's there to tell, really.. (shifts nervously)

Me: Everything.. How did you guys meet, etc.?
Me: Haha. It really is a long story. This is supposed to be about my album.. haha (nervous laugh)

Me: So does this mean that you are over L.?
Me: Yes. Very much. I am very happy with who I'm with now. CAN we not talk about this please?

Me: Why did you get your hair highlighted in red?
Me: I like Red. Plus the old highlights were fading out, and i can't wait for the black to grow out, ha ha!

Me: So what's next for you?
Me: I guess with the exams around the corner, it's a lot more studying for me. Haha. i say alot more, because anything i do now is more than i usually do, you know? Haha.

Me: Uhm, okay. So tell us more about your new album.
Me: Oh. Haha. Well, it's basically songs about things which i feel are important to me.. Life, love, good nutrition and above all, politics.

Me: Ooh. Sounds exciting.
Me: Yes. I can't wait for it to be released too. We are currently in the process of recording the first song..

Me: Does the title - "Socioeconmics, Statistics, Politics, Younbo and Onions"- have special meaning for you?

Me: Oh yes. (laughs) They are very symbolic of the things i love in my life yet i am not familiar with.. (Laughs) It's like one day, i woke up and i thought, hey, you know what, why not name the album after things i find quite unfamiliar in my life? Like, it's something not many artists have done.. And it's not so narcisstic.

Me: Where do you get your inspiration from? And do you pen your own songs?
Me: Oh, yes, of course. Of course! Sometimes when i get an inspiration, it just happens. Haha. Well. Where do i get this perspective? I watch Channel Newsasia.

_______________________________________________

My new album will never be released in all good record stores.

Laws of Attraction

2008-03-30T00:34:00.002+08:00

Ever felt you attract the wrong type of men?

Today, I realized that i am still attracting the wrong types of men. Or rather, boys.

It all started with a few of us taking photos on a bench. And then i heard this voice say, "Hey! I'm sitting here!". I looked down, and there he was, sitting there, all beautiful eyed and looking up at us.

So we started talking, and i found out his name and then it just happened. He offered me a craze hottie, i shared my slurpee with him..

He gave me the last one he had -" this is the last one" he said.

Later, before i asked if he would like to take a photo with me.

And as i put my face close to his, he planted a kiss on my cheek!

Too fast, i said. We're moving too fast!

I remembered the fiasco i had with the sixteen year old, and i told myself, no way am i going to fall for this.

But there i was, captivated my this five year old boy named Matthew.

They just get younger everyday.

The truth is...

2008-03-26T14:10:00.004+08:00

The truth is, i think mean people, and people who treat others horribly are terribly insecure (I didn't mean to be mean by saying that, seriously).

I suppose we all knew that already didn't we. I don't mean to sound self-righteous (although I AM ALWAYS RIGHT) or anything but i am getting weary of hearing people be mean to each other.

Call me an idealist, but i think that hte world will be a whole lot nicer, for EVERYONE (including the mean people.. See, i'm so nice) and we CAN do it if we really want to.

Sure, i know, i've heard it all before-- people need to be honest with one another. But as i always say, there is always more than one way to say something.

I could tell you that you need to work on your tummy or i could just look at you in disgust and tell you that you are fat. Sure, you cynics would want me to say the latter. Welcome to the real world, Sarah. Not everybody will be nice to you.

Well. okay. But why can't YOU be? And this is nt the real world? Wow. Talk about denial.

I can't. And i certainly don't want to hear the truth in my face. Okay, if you tell me I'm ugly, what the hell am i supposed to do about it...?

There is a fine line between between constructive and just saying it, to you know, say it. So, do NOT ever use the reasoning that you are being "honest" to say something that may hurt someone.

Well, I hope i'm not being too preachy here (PREACH PREACH) but my advice to everyone (including myself) is this - treat others the way you feel you deserve to be treated.

how they treat you then is an entirely different matter. Another day.

I'm not emo. Seriously. It's just that I just observed this trend recently and it is quite disturbing (to me la).

I am not like, some super nice/ kind person, neither do i portray myself to be, But at least i try.

Finally, a parting word to all the brutally "honest" people,

BUGGERS.

Sarah the Hero

2008-03-24T00:15:00.003+08:00

Okay, so actually, i didn't get to donate any blood, because, get this, MY VEINS ARE TOO SMALL.

I already took the finger pricking test (I passed. And it hurts. I'm not being a baby. It hurts. I fell into a deep sleep. Kinda.)

And i was just getting cosy on the plastic recliner beach chair thingy, and one of the volunteers had brought me a blanket, which i draped over my bare feet (i took off my shoes to make myself cosier).

The lady then came by and put the arm squeezing device on my left arm and started pumping it. Then she gave me this red ball, (which i tried to squeeze hard despite the pain in my fourth finger).

"Let me try your right,"she said.

Then she did the same thing. A few seconds of trying to squeeze the ball later (my right arm is much stronger), the nurse lady shook her head sadly, unstrapped the arm squeezing device from my arm, and said, "I'm sorry. You cannot donate. Your veins are too small."

"What if i squeeze the ball harder? Will it help?" I pleaded desperately.

But she had already removed the device from my arm.

"It is no good," She smiled sadly.

"But i really want to do this!" I tried again. (The blanket is quite cosy)

Then she shook her head, and said the words which broke my heart.

"You need to exercise."

"Excuse me?"

"You need to exercise your arms. If you really want to donate, you can do things like lifting the weights to make your veins bigger. Then maybe you can try again in a year."

And she smiled and left. And that was it. So much for all the fear of giving blood.

All the above is true. You can ask Ching and Jaspreet. They were there with me.

And yes, later at Delifrance, Jaspreet and i were playing the finger game, the one where you have to break each other's fingers apart, and this is the result:

Thank god for the small veins! Didn't lose too much blood there, eh?

That line on my pinky, courtesy of Jaspreet. So, to all those out there who don't want to lose any blood, please, do NOT, i repeat, DO NOT play any finger games with her.

ALAMAKOI

2008-03-20T00:08:00.004+08:00

OK, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS WERE KIDDING ABOUT THE RUB SALT ON THE ULCER THINGY, BUT I DID IT, AND I HAVE ONLY ONE THING TO SAY (a few, actually):

IT BLOODY HURTS.

IT REALLY HURTS, DAMNIT.

Thank you, Terence, for introducing me to your sadomasochistic ways.

I actually went to the kitchen, filled up a glass of water just in case i wanted to swallow something, took out the little container of salt, dipped my finger in (I washed it before that), used my other hand to pull my lip, and then used my salt-dipped finger and RUBBED on the ulcer!

I couldn't exactly see where the ulcer was, so i just rubbed around. And Well, it hurts just to pull my lip.

Oooh. It is quite numb now. I think i should do it again.

I actually think i like the taste of salt very much.

And i've stuck plasters over my bug bites (or sth) so i wouldn't scratch them. I need a new body. This one is not functioning properly anymore.

I missed.

2008-03-16T23:00:00.004+08:00

If you can't see it clearly, click here. Or put on your specs.

MONEY and all

2008-03-12T23:53:00.004+08:00

See? Just because i put the word "MONEY" in the title, everybody reads it because they think it has to do with money right? CHK*!

WEll. They say money can't buy you happiness. But let me show you what money can buy!

1) A(nother) PAIR OF SHOES!

2) No, not me. (but, techinically, if in the right amount, i.e. USD$ 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 i might be bought over).. But it can get you a NEW HAIR COLOUR!

3) Lastly, money can get you a call card (not shown) to call your boyfriend who is overseas and wish him a happy birthday! WOW!

*CHK is like, "tsk" except it's spelt differently and it's pronounced as "Ch-RRRR-K!" but you have to say it reaaaaaallly fast.

I swear this is the most bimbotic dumb post i have written. I think it has something to do with the chemicals in my hair. i always get like this after a hair job. :

Have a good day y'all!

Chicken

2008-03-10T01:20:00.004+08:00

I can't tie those ribbons. Sorry.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue.

2008-03-08T12:34:00.002+08:00

I never knew a little blue envelope could do so much.

How can you explain two years of your life in one page of a letter? How can you apologise for barging back into my life after you've already done so?

How can you say that you didn't want me to worry when you just disappeared suddenly?

Why didn't you just forget me? Why did you have to remember so much about me? And Why did you have to make me realize that I haven't changed as much as i would have liked to think so.

Do you think it will be like those scenes in the movies where we'll speak on the phone and you'll be on the other side of the glass and I'll be bawling my eyes out on this side and you'll not shed a single tear and you'll just say you're sorry for all you've done because you are, and you are, and you'll wish me all the best in my life and wish me all the best with J because you "just want me to be happy"?

I should have settled this two years ago. But then again.

You tell me you've been inside since 2006.

You'll only do 4 years, if you are good.

And when you come back out into this world, you will look me up because you know that I'll be there for you and that i was here all along. And that we were friends once, and you know i will always be.

***

I wish J would come back soon. I'm going crazy.

Do you remember the melody?

2008-03-06T18:30:00.003+08:00

If i have ever written any serious stuff on my blog then this is it.

(Sorry. It's just one of those posts.)

I'd like to start by saying that i am very, very, very tired. Mentally, emotionally. I guess the lack of sleep, coupled with the fact that the exams are around the corner and i haven't been doing much are also rather important factors that add to this fatigue.

And i have been struggling with some kind of identity crisis. I know it sounds kind of funny but i have been trying to come to terms with who i am for awhile. Not that there's anything bad or wrong about me now. I guess i just need to do some soul searching.

"Man is not truly one but truly two" - The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Well. I guess i have been three or four. Or five even. I suppose we all are. These multiple identities; these different facets of ourselves. That is not to say that I have been fake to any single group of people. No, of course not. These are all me. It's just a different side of me, which ultimately is me.

You probably don't see the problem then if there are so many aspects to one person, then why does it really matter if people see a different side of you? There are bound to be situational as well as contextual reasons for these identities to exist right?

For the record, i am not a sufferer of mulitple personality disorder, or as it is now known as Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID). Frey (2002) said that the "most distinctive feature of DID is the formation and emergence of alternate personality states, or "alters." Patients with DID experience their alters as distinctive individuals possessing different names, histories, and personality traits".

I realised that i am beginning to talk like some term paper. But yes.

I checked out another site and like while i don't think i have this disorder but like, a part of me is saying there, this is you. And i'm like, shut the fuck up man.

According to psychologytoday.com, these are the symptoms:

-The individual experiences from 2 to more than 100 different identities. Half of the recorded cases, however, report 10 or fewer.

-The various personality states exhibit distinct histories, behaviors and even physical characteristics.

-Transitions from one identity to another are often triggered by psychosocial stress.

-Frequent gaps are found in memories of personal history, including people, places, and events, for both the distant and recent past. Different alters may remember different events, but passive identities tend to have more limited memories than hostile, controlling or protective identities.

-Symptoms of depression or anxiety may be present.

-In childhood, problem behavior and an inability to focus in school are common.

-Self-mutilation and suicidal and/or aggressive behavior may take place.

-Visual or auditory hallucinations may occur.

-The average time that elapses from the first symptom to diagnosis is six to seven years.

I don't know what exactly i am trying to prove but i suppose it gives me some kind of relief to know that i am okay. Then again, when i found myself unable to refute the symptoms i guess it did get slightly disconcerting.

Ohwell.

I don't really know who i am anymore. I can't say i don't give a shit what people say about me because somehow I do care. I don't know why. I don't know much.

Somehow taking these modules on intercultural and bilingualism has opened me up to a lot. I am discovering things about myself and it's like, finally I have the terms to describe them and they are no longer just thoughts. There are really concepts and theories and research done for these phenomena. It is real. And it can get scary. So intriguing but i'm not sure i want to know all these information.

Code-switching. Accents. Ethnicity.

What does it mean to me? Does it even mean anything at all?

Maybe i just need to get some sleep. Tomorrow will be better.

I keep telling myself that.

Every. Single. Fucking. Day.

References
Frey, R.J. (2002) Multiple personality disorder. Gale Encyclopedia of Medicine. Retrieved March 6, 2008 from http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/common/standard/transform.jsp?requestURI=/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/multiple_personality_disorder.jsp

Alamak!

2008-03-04T18:10:00.002+08:00

Ok, for those of you who wonder what "alamak" is, well, too bad.

I know i seldom blog about my life. The reason simply being because (No, it's not boring.) nobody really cares. Like, seriously. Did you really want to hear about my day?

Well, if you didn't, then today's your unlucky day!

Firstly, i would like to begin by saying that i have a new handphone (my last one was smashed. Recap.)! So i apologise if i do not have your numbers or i ask you who you are (LOSER! I'm kidding. Really.).

And, contrary to what my sister said about the phone looking like it was destined to break in my hands, it is still intact! I am looking at it as i type this!

So what if the sticker on the camera fell off on the first night. those things were meant to come off anyway, eh!

Plus, you might want to know that it's only my fourth day and so far, i've only dropped it ONCE! And even then, it was in the casing! So no worries there! Ha ha!

Secondly, there was no water in my house today! That's right! All the pipes and stuff weren't working because they were servicing it. They shut off the water supply for the block. So guess what. It's five thirty and i haven't taken a bath! I did, however, have cereal for breakfast.

Thirdly, last night, i decided to sleep early because i was honestly so tired. I went to bed at like, 10.30 pm. And i now realise that my body can only take a total of 5 hours of sleep at any one time. Imagine my horror when i woke up suddenly at 3.30 am, thinking it was already six a.m.. Like, the ususal time to wake up. And to think i set my alarm for 9.30 am. Jeez. I never want to sleep early again.

So there i was, awake at 3.30 am., wondering what the hell to do. So i took a leak (i know i sound like a guy when i say that) and then deliberated over whether to call Him up (which i didn't, because i realized that 3.30 am is pretty early to wake someone.) so after sitting up and thinking for about ten mintues, i decided to go back to sleep. And yes. I woke up at about 8.14am and forced mself back to sleep until i overslept, and by then it was 10.30 a.m.

Then i had my cereal.

I realize i still have work to do. And i was supposed to complete my literature review by three hours ago (personal target) and i am such a mess right now. i feel like taking all the clothes out of my cupboard and putting them back in.

Like, one by one.

"Relationships may not necessarily work because people have different ideas on what they want." - Tyra banks

I just want him to come back now.

Get Your Sexy Back

2008-03-02T01:05:00.002+08:00

Because Pamy and i lost our Sexy a long time ago, we decided to get it back, and thus when the opportunity arose, we rose to the occasion!

Ok, I'm kidding. It was an event we attended on behalf of Radio Fusion because the 'Get Your Sexy Back' people wanted to thank us! How sweet! :)

Get Your Sexy Back

A highly successful a FYP which is against binge drinking. Then again, i'm against any kind of drinking. So. Haha. Do check it out though. :)

We found our photo!

Us and Rebecca, who was one of the main organisers of this project. :)

Oh, my god. The guy beside me is so totally hot. I swear.

And he plays the harmonica.

Okay, so like, guess who performed at the event? FLYBAR (the band)!

Wow. So like, they may not be Summer's Over, but they are just as hot. And if i say something is hot, it IS. we will be playing some of their songs on our Radio Show (currently only avaliable to students of NTU, sorry.) -- The Samy Show, Wednesdays 11am-1pm.

In the meantime, do check out their sites

www.flybartheband.com

www.myspace.com/flybartheband

And no, they don't play death metal. Seriously.

The Perfect Man

2008-02-18T02:09:00.003+08:00

HElloooo. This is amazing. And i am incredibly amazed (because it is amazing). And suddenly i realize that people have views of me which i didn't actually know they did, and this revelation i simply must share.

My question was: On a scale from 1 to 10, with one being the least, how high do you think my standards are when it comes to dating guys?

And well.

- Azimah said, "7-8, but [she] is not a guy." BUT, "once the outer layer is shed, u're actually a 5-6 lah".. Then she confirms it, "5".

- Weili said "9", "you and your 50 conditions"

- Daryl gives a hasty "7".

This is a conversation I had with Azimah:

sweet decadence says:
i tell u what

sweet decadence says:
this is what u shld find in a guy : high
self-esteem and is not SO friendly

sweet decadence says:
which means

dissemble no more! says:
not SO friendly???? kenape???

sweet decadence says:
he is a man of little words, but in his own way
knows how to take control when the situation calls for it

sweet decadence says:
u're so friendly alr what

sweet decadence says:
we need to balance it up

***

Which then leads me to the point of the perfect man for me. If, according to Azimah this is the perfect man for me, ALL YOU EGOISTICAL UNFRIENDLY BASTARDS HAVE A CHANCE WITH ME!

Oh wait. Sorry i mentioned you, Leroy!

Ok, seriously though, there is some point i suppose in what she said. And true enough, i need someone who can be my hero. Who is willing to be in my shadow. To never have sunlight on his face. Beautiful face without a name for so long.. Beautiful smile to hide the pain etc... in other words,

I need him to be THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS!

(Or, as Azimah crudely puts, "the odour beneath your pits". But a) i do not have odour benetah my pits b)my pits are a happy place which do occasionally see sunlight.)

Gawd, Bette Midler! I love The Stepford Wives, despite ppl saying it's crud. I swear i can watch that show a hundred times (i have seen it 5 times, so far).

But yes, sorry i digress.

The perfect man, somewhere out there, does exist. I am no cynic. (Neither am i an acrobat, but i'm not bragging about it) I won't go looking for him.

But when i do, you can be damn sure i'll be singing Elton John (and Kiki Dee's) "Don't go breaking my heart" (and "candle in the wind", and "sacrifice" and "don't let the sun go down on me" though I'd just be indulging).

And yes. He's not beneath me (even though may be the wind beneath my wings)..

***
P.s. For the record, i think i might be seeing someone now, but i'm not sure. I don't want to scare him aware with my misandristic ways. Because i do love men. Seriously. I swear, some of the looks i get. Sheesh! You'd think i said something akin to "let's all roll around in my mucus!"

But yes. He is really nice, and thought some people say that they are surprised because they don't think that i would like someone like him, or that i can do better that kinda thing. I would just like to say this in the best way i know: Whatever la. (I still love you though. :))

So yes.

Mr. Perfect might not be perfect for you. But well, no one can ever be, right? :)

Oh yes, we've broken up.

2008-02-18T01:31:00.002+08:00

I broke up with my boyfriend about a year and a half ago.

But that's old news.

Why am i saying this now? Well. For the very fact i didn't say it then.

Storm's a'comin, Harry!

2008-02-12T14:22:00.000+08:00

Hello. Well, the title has nothing to do with this post actually. I just happened to hear it in my head and so i decided to put it as my title.

But seriously though (say it the way those comedians say it, by cocking my head to one side and saying it in a serious tone that implys that i'm not really going to be serious, but it is serious), I am making changes to my life.

Since dinner that night, i have realized that there are a lot of things i have not been seeing and/ or appreciating around me. I suddenly see (like the KT Tunstall song entitled "Suddenly i see") that there are so many beautiful things out there.

I know it sounds oh-so-cliche but yes. There is beauty in life. I actually went home with a skip in my step. Wow. Skip in my step. I like the way it sounds. I will say it again. Skip in my step. Skeeeep eeeen maaaai staaaaaaap.

Actually, i don't really know how to describe it but i feel kind of liberated (in terms of my life, not schoolwork. that i will NOT talk about) and free, you know. I finally feel like i don't owe 'L' anything anymore and all the guilt has been lifted from my weary heart (so dramamtic, but yes. i like it that way).

I thought this was interesting:

Someone: Why do you have to disagree with everything i say?
Me: I NEVAAAAAAAAAAA (never!!!!!!!)

Oh the irony.

I have removed 9 of my piercings (except the very top one on my right ear) and i guess i am gonna let those holes close on their own. Or whatever they do. So, as of this day, I'd only be left with 3 piercings (officially).

I have calculated, and i think over the years i have spent about $50 on the piercings alone, and not to mention the fact that each time i buy earrings and studs etc i have to spend a bit (A LOT) more.

So, i have decided to have normal ears again. (Notice how i only siad "ears")

Maybe i'd be able to sleep better on my right side.

Actually, come to think of it, i am becoming.. AN ADULT. No more punkass. I am still Sarah the Great, of course. Or The Greatness or The Wonderful or The Savior, or whatever you have been calling me all along. I really still am.

I have just been making decisions in my life now to be happy, or at least to make me happy. And you know what. I think it is true.

"I believe I am loved completely by myself alone. ... I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side." -Affirmation, Savage Garden

This doesn't mean, of course that i don't have dreams. Sure i do. Big dreams. And maybe someday i will cross that field to where the grass is another shade of green (ok, i'm starting to speak in imagery and metaphors! Somebodaaay stop me!), and maybe i can be happy there too.

The old grass has been cropped out (though it's roots remain, but they remain buried) and I like the smell of grass freshly cut.

Maybe i'll hang around here awhile longer.

* If you are not into metaphors r imagery or don't understan WHAT THE HELL I'm saying then please proceed down to the Guide to What i Said.

GUIDE TO WHAT I SAID

In this highly unromanticised version, i will repeat whatever i said above, in not so beautiful language for the benefits of you ~~losers~~ less dramatic people.

Basically, i am happy where i am now. And i don't think that things on "the other side" can be any better than the way things are now. I have begun to see the beauty of things on this side, and generally become more appreciative of what i have. That of course, doesn't mean i am ambitionless/ a slob etc. I have just allowed happiness to find me instead of searching for it.

And yes, I am totally OVER it. The whole relationship thing. I am not feeling guilty anymore.

To someone i know and love absolutely much: Who cares if the guy you like is not good enough for your friends. It's all about you, and people love you because of YOU. So, don't let people dictate your life (as i am doing now).

All you cynics can gag and barf as much as you want, because, at the end of the day, it really is just you and yourself.

So, If you want to be happy, then YOU CAN! :)

Ok. that's it. No more tic tacs for me.

You are Special

2008-02-10T21:27:00.000+08:00

If you are looking for the Bachelor Special, click here (click on the 'here'.)

Before i begin, i would like to remind everyone here that they are beautiful the way they are. I think many of us have forgotten that it's who we are inside that's really important. People (usually) love you because of your beautiful soul.

But. This I must say:

All i need is this dress and i will be loved! I WILL BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THIS WHOLE WORLD AND GUYS WILL FALL AT MY FEET AND THEY WILL ALL WANT TO MARRY ME.
IT IS TRUE!! THIS DRESS WILL MAKE ME COMPLETE! IT WILL MAKE MY LIFE FULFILLED. I WILL NEVER FEEL UGLY AGAIN.

IN BOTH COLOURS. IN SIZE XS (the one in black). YES. NEVER HAVE I FELT SO BEAUTIFUL AND SLIM AND TINY TO BE ABLE TO FIT INTO XS! SEE? THE DRESS IS ALREADY WORKING WONDERS! All i need is this dress to make me whole again. I will only be truly complete if i have it. I will be DESIRABLE AND WANTED. BUT IT FREAKING COSTS $70 and i missed the 10% sale

That said, however, do bear in mind, dear reader, bear in mind this message - it doesn't matter what you wear; it's who you are on the inside that really counts.

PASTELS

I did a painting today. Yes. I finally opened the pastel box of pastels (courtesy of the TPJC Art Room). And because i haven't opened the box since. Since i left Tpjc (which is about two years ago) and my last pastel piece was the one i did for my 'A' levels. How depressing. And to think that i bought my easel for over a year ago and i haven't actually used it. No, using it to hang clothes is not a proper use.

When i opened the box, most of the gum from the tape had started to like, stick to the box instead of the tape, y'know? Well yeah. And when i picked up some of the pastels they crumbled in my hands! So much for Rembrant pastels being such a good brand. Well, they are, actually. And also terribly expensive. So yeah. I did a painting today. And. Yes.

I think i need new pastels. I think i need to visit the art room soon.

And that's the end of it. What a wonderful Sunday.

On an ending note, I miss the art room terribly.

The Art Room

Well. More like, i miss those days decked out in trash bags (me) and singing at the top of my lungs and blasting the radio really loud and generally really embarrassed to show everyone my work so I would work in a corner of the art room (usually near the door, before they had the door. Damn, i'm that old.) which wasn't really a corner,

And i miss my easel backing board (which wasn't really mine because we weren't supposed to "own" any boards because everyone was supposed to share ) with the picture of R.G. which i drew and which was a huge cause of embarrassment when he actually walked past the art room one day. Of course, he knew nothing about what it was because he looks nothing like the cartoon character.

But yes. R.G. is now a character in Sorrow, which i have been working on for the longest time. I just haven't had the time to do up everything nicely. But this is not about Sorrow.

Yes. I think most of all. I miss the art people. You know how you sometimes have these images of people in certain positions or doing certain things when you think of them in a certain place.

This is the art room in my head now:

The radio is on. Faisal is adjusting the antaenna because he is sitting at the table nearest to it, and on his lap is an easel board, and he is painting one of his characters. The goauche is on the table and he is adjusting the antaenna with his free hand, and in his other hand he is putting the paintbrush into the bucket of water.

Pam is sitting opposite Faisal, sewing something together. Her legs are on the table.

Daniel is standing at the next table. His own table, of course, doing his chinese painting, and singing to the song on the radio. It is playing "Drops of Jupiter".

Ming Qian is putting a piece of newspaper on the seat of the stool she is going to sit on.

May is shaking a little clear plastic container with a slug in it. She watches it closely.

Zubaidah is near the wall, doing a huge painting, and there is paint drip all over. But there is newspaper on the floor so it's ok.

Aisyah is looking thoughtful as she steps back from her painting. Her brows are furrowed together and she asks if it looks like her sister in the painting.

Jannah is beside me, doing a pastel piece of some blue flowers.

Syahirah sits at the table cutting wires, and herself in the process, though not intentionally. And she, too is singing.

Farah and Anu aren't here, but it's ok. They are entering the art room, and everyone says hi to them as they walk through the room. They have hockey practice.

Zi Wei is outside the artroom, splattering paint onto a piece of paper. Another beautiful collage.

Lynette is sighing and her pretty face looks sad as she squeezes the acrylic paint onto a palette.

Jasmine isn't in the room because no one wants her there. But it's ok, I'll let her in my mind, and she is sitting at Mr. Dan's old table, which she claims as hers, and there are scary white baby doll paper mache figures on the table, with movable hands and tiny, movable feet and it scares me sometimes. But it's ok, i don't touch them.

Shirley or Angela- one of the twins- is holding the mannequin which she made herself and she is dressing him in a blue robe and she places a sword in his hand. A sword that was made to look blood-stained. He looks almost real, but faceless.

Xue Wei is making some triangles with some cardboards at the back of the room.

And as i am standing behind my board, i am watching everyone in the room, Mrs Choo is screaming (in her adorable way), "It's a SIN! I WILL KEEEEEEL YOUUUUUU!" Because someone squeezed too much paint out of the acrylic bottle and they are washing it down the sink.

I miss my art room days.

Bachelor Special (For V day)

2008-02-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

Hello All! YES! Valentine's Day is drawing near, and i apologise for not being able to schedule any more consultations! You have all been a wonderful crowd, and i hope you find true love!*

*This is a lie, as no one signed up for the dating service, which in my opinion, is a pity. CURSE YOU ALL. I HOPE YOU NEVER FIND LOVE!!

Ok, i apologise for my rudeness.

But yes. I thought of doing this since, well. Since no one wanted to do it. And yes, I realised that i live among bachelors (my father is NOT a bachelor, sorry) and so what better way to show my love for them then doing a little piece on them. Well, yes, i could give them money, but i really don't want them.

This post was written for both genders in mind. Though, i would advise the heterosexual males to skip this post if they are sqeamish.

But yes. These are the wonderful bachelors i live with. Well, not live as in cohabit, but in a sense that we often are together. No, not together in the together sense, but more of us, being in the same place. Well, i mean it in the best possible way. And in the most platonic way ever, i love them.

I actually wanted to do on the girls also but i don't know if they'd mind. Maybe i should have a girls post too! Maybe some day. I love my girlfriends!

Well. Happy Valentine's Day, y'all.

The good the bad and the HAIRY.

Faces you would definitely love!

They are truly wonderful sports (no pun intended) and really great people. I wish them joy and happiness, but above all this, i wish them loveeeeeee (like in the whitney houston song).

Okay, that's about it for now. I mean, they look good and all, but surely you want to look at other things (such as my face). So yeah.

Some of the reasons i was so busy is because i had to take care of my grandpa. He can't really eat on his own anymore. He's going a bit wonky.

Sometimes he slobbers too, but what can we do. We love him all the same. Ok, maybe love is a bit of a strong word. We like him very much. Quite. A bit. Sometimes. We don't really mind him. Haha. I'm kidding. I mean, not kidding about the dont mind him part. Just kidding about the love part. Wait. I am getting confused.

Haha. Well. That's enough for today. I had a great time. Thank you ALL.

Have a happy whatever day (see, i am being ambiguous and vague here. Whatever could be anything! Ha Ha!)

Sunday

2008-02-03T23:18:00.000+08:00

I realized i have clothes in all the colours of the rainbow. Yes, Ching, you will be proud.

My usual togs.
My wardrobe after i was done with it.

This is a post about my Sunday.

Valentine's Day Special!

2008-02-03T02:39:00.000+08:00

Tired of being single and lonely and ugly and smelly* on Valentine's Day (which happens to fall on the 14th of February)? Sick of how this whole day has become so commercialised?

Sick of having to stay in while all your friends have dates with single (and ready to mingle, ha ha) folk? Or are you just stuck in a dating rut, and fear that you will no longer find happiness on this highly commercialised day (which is, unfortunately, still not yet a public holiday)?

Well, fear (and be tired, ha ha!) no more! For I, dear reader, am here to help you!

Wow, you think, Really?
Yes, I say,REALLY^!

Well, here at impsoftheperverse, my main aim is to make you happy**, so i thought, hey, what better way to do this than to help people get dates on Valentines Day^?

How can you do that, you ask?

Well, simply leave me a comment with a picture of yourself (just a head shot, please. And for heaven's (and my) sake, use your OWN photo. And USE PHOTOSHOP, if you MUST.). Do also state:

- The kind of person you would like to meet (Suggestion: "someone who likes to collect dead leaves" or "Someone who is interested in my striped towel collection")

-Anything you want people to know about yourself (Suggestion: "I used to eat my boogers when i was young" is just NOT cool. " I used to make other people eat my boogers" is way cooler.)

And soon you will might well be on your way to scoring a date on V. Day (if you have paid the deposit of $3000 within the next ten mins of my approval)!

Hurry, this incredible offer is only valid for those who are lucky enough to see it BEFORE Valentine's Day! And You are GUARANTEED to get a date for Valentine's Day (though not necessarily this year), and i will keep helping you^ until i have gathered enough money to go to the U.K. for two weeks or buy my dress, whichever comes first. Ha Ha. Got ya! I was just kidding. Ha Ha.

Well, folks! This is it! Remember! If you ever need a date! Just sign up with me! And i will help you for as LONG AS IT TAKES and i will never give up on you (as long as you keep paying me).

NOTES:
*I cannot help you with the "ugly and smelly" part though, sorry.
^ For a small nominal fee of about say, $400 per session (10 mins each, total of about 50 sessions per week for about 4 weeks)
** Actually, it is also to rip you off of whatever money you have, but that's for another time.

Bruises do heal.

2008-01-30T23:58:00.000+08:00

I have been brave.

I have been impulsive.

I have stood at the top of a wall two storeys high.

I have been happy (and i still am).

I have been rolling around on the floor at 2 a.m. in a way i can only describe as "safe".

And i have been bruising.

One day we will find that "someone". Well, that someone will be ours, of course, and not already have a someone else.

I have found that since i removed that anger from my heart i have become a much happier person. I know that is such a DUH right. Of ocurse after you remove the anger you will be happy. But i guess it is not necessarily so.

Sometimes i find that after the anger is gone, what is left is this emptiness.

But this time, it is different.

This time, i just need me (and the people i love). And my ninja rolls. It's pretty cool. I'll show you when my arm recovers. It's not hurt or anything, it just aches. And it's pretty sore.

I am looking forward to the weekend.

Sticky.

2008-01-28T00:44:00.000+08:00

As my classmates complete their Com 202 Individual Assignments (and exceed the word limit), i am sitting here, using magic markers to write labels on little pieces of rectangular paper (not cut very nicely), which i will then stick onto my files for the various modules i am taking, and in my head i am thinking, "What makes scotchtape so sticky?"

Loved, actually.

2008-01-25T15:15:00.000+08:00

This will not be a post about my Self Pity Disease or SPD. That i will save for another time.

But this incident i simply must recount.

It happened yesterday. I woke up feeling just miserable. And the journey on the bus didn't help either. I took the bus 179, which stops in the neightbourhood before reaching school.

So there i was, sitting on the top deck, and looking out of the window, thinking of how i would be a little bit late for school. And i was unhappy and i was upset. Then the bus stopped at one of the bus stops. And looking out of the window, i watched as this girl limped towards the bus. She looked like she was having great difficulty. It certainly felt like she was taking a long time to reach the bus.

And (i say this with disgust) then there i was, watching her from my window, as precious seconds passed, the only thought in my head was "How could you do this to me?".
************************************************

Loved, actually.

I was thinking about how i am quite unable to grasp the concept of "tough love". Like, what on earth is that? How can you love someone and want the best for them and act like you don't care and be horrible to them. What is this "tough love", and why do so many people use it as an excuse to vent out your frustrations on people and things they don't have control over.

I guess it is one of those "I love you therefore i want you to stop taking drugs", or "I only want you to improve therefore i will keep critising your works" or "I want you to stop being depressed so i won't be your friend until you get better." and what about "Your life isn't that bad, you self-piteous fool. And i am going to shout at you for taking pity on yourself".

Have you ever had that?

It sounds pretty nonsensical to me. Like, hello, do you realize that there is great potential for actually making people worse than they already are. But this whole notion of tough love exists. And many if not all of us have experienced this so-called "tough love".

Ditto the "I love you therefore i have to leave you" shit. Like, seriously, what is that? If you love someone, you should just show your support/ care/ concern for them.

I think "tough love" was invented by cynics who were brought up in a love-deficit household, where they were not told enough by their parents that they were loved. Before you take pity on them, it is not their fault. It is their parents' fault. Their parents inflicted "tough love" on them. It is like a hereditary disease, which they too, will inflict upon their own children and try to affect people around them.

I think love should never be painful for anyone. And this is not just about romantic love. Even among friendships, we don't show each other that we care enough. We can't read each other's minds.

Why am i taking everything so seriously (At this point i must state that one of my pet peeves are people telling me to "relax". It actually gets me more agitated. It makes me think, "have you been listening to anything i've said?". So, if you're one of those, then i hope you STFU. Thank you.) and why am i making such a big fuss?

If you want to give up on love, please, by all means. But don't keep harping on it. It gets really annoying. And i know you should love yourself and all, but sometimes, it takes a lot more than acceptance of the way things are to truly love yourself. E.g. You weigh like 200kg, and you love your bod the way it is. But then, if you really loved yourself, you wouldn't want to die of high blood pressure right?

Of course, you have realised by now that these are idealised and not empirical views. But yes. I guess the cynicism around me, the whole negativity is making me jaded.

We are all entitled to our opinions. This is mine. I am looking for people who are "insanely happy" and maybe have some of it rub off on me.

I can promise i will try. Maybe i really am loved.

Also Heard As

2008-01-24T22:07:00.000+08:00

It has come to my attention that ever so often, we don't actually know the words to a song, but we try to sing the it anyway. This often results in the mishearing or using the wrong words. But the funny hthing is, they do fit the song (well, most of the time anyway).

So i was thinking and i came up with this (rather short) list of some song lyrics which i ahve heard people sing (and some of which i am guilty of). Well, my favourite mis-sang lyrics (which i have, personally heard).

1) "..I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feeling whatsoever"

Really!: "I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm"
--> Careless Whispers- George Michael

2) "No doubt we're losing but we are the champions"

Really!: " No time for losing, 'cause we are the champions"
--> We are the champions -Queen

3) "I walk alone to get the feeling right.."

Really! : "I wore cologne to get the feeling right"
--> What's my age again? - Blink 182

4) "I am trying to be here always.. In an age of modernity"

Really!: "I am trying to be heroic, in an age of modernity"
--> Song for clay (disappear here)- Bloc Party

Oh, and my favourite:

) "Even heroes have erotic dreams.. And it's not easy to be me.."

Really: "Even heroes have a right to dream.. And it's not easy to be me"
--> Superman (it's not easy)- Five For fighting.

_______________________________________________

Sorry if i haven't really been around. I've been so busy with school and stuff
(school related). I know. I am just so exhausted. So what else can i do but whine. And you, my dearest reader, have no choice but to listen to me whine. Thankfully for you, that is about the end of it.

I'll be back soon ok.

Boy Language And a Tribute to ABDUL HADI

2008-01-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

Hello.. First i have decided to do a post on NSguys (Hello, NS guys!). Now, why NS guys, and not NS men? Well, for the very simple fact that too much has already been said about NS men. Yeah. So NS guys.

Now, how exactly do you tell if you are an NS guy?

1) You are always horny.
2) You don't consider yourself a man.
3) You are always bored.
4) You are always horny.
5) You are always bored.
6) Your life pretty much sucks
7) Which makes you bored
8) And horny.
9) You love going clubbing
10) Because you are horny.

The next bit will be a tribute to ABDUL HADI, my adopted-son-to-be.
Disclaimer: May contain offensive material to NS Guys(and men lovers)

I realize that i may offend members of the male gender who find this offensive. But before you think that i am some kind of misandrist (or whatever else you call someone who has a hatred of men. I used this profound word to sound really smart. Smart right? Ah, it is hard to disguise my intelligence.). Note too, that i not some kind of misantrophe/ emo/ psycho.

NSguy Language

This one is for the ladies. Ever felt so flattered if a NS guy tells you sweet nothings? Well, Don't be! I have studied and come up with a de-coder to tell you what NSguys REALLY mean when they tell you things. No need to thank me, just subscribe to this blog (and send me a cheque while you're at it). So here it goes! Ladies, this is entirely true as it was conceived in my head! I swear.

NSguy: How are you doing? (variations e.g. "howreya?" and "whats up with you man?")
Really means: OH MY GOOODDDDDD I am like, SOOOOO BORED.. And i want to see you naked.

NSguy: I miss you.
Meaning: When are we gonna get naked?

NSguy: Things are so so i guess.
Means: This place really sucks. And I want to see you naked.

NSguy: I can't wait to see you.
Means: I can't wait to see you naked.

NSguy: Yeah, i'll be hitting the clubs.
Means: I hope i can see you at the club so i can see you there and we'll go back to my place to get naked.

NSguy: This place is a hellhole.
Means: There are no naked girls except the ones in the pornos i watch.

NSguy: Let's go out soon.
Means: I want to get naked with you.

NSguy: You look really good today.
Means: I am imagining you naked.

So there you go ladies. NSguy language decoded! Just for you.

_______________________________________

A TRIBUTE TO ABDUL HADI

This is for my good friend who entertained me throughout my Jc days. And Yes, i still want to adopt him. One day.

Actually i wanted to say something very cool but i'll think it about it some other time. I just happened to stumble upon his pictures and yes. I am doing a tribute (actually it's just a few photos and some comments).

Hadi at the Sports Meet where he accidentally took the First prize trophy. He actually took photos with the Guest of Honour and was walking back to the the crowd when the officials shouted "Oi" or something.

By the way, our house came in last place. Hadi is here in the black cap.

Just one of the random pics i have. He actually looks quite handsome.

Oh, Hadi with chocolate in his teeth. So cute ah.

Hadi made his own shirt for the National Day celebrations! I swear this guy is damn amazing.

Hadi somewhere. I can't remember where this was.

Time for my favourite Hadi shot! Even he can't remember this. But yes. Oh, if you're queasy, please turn away ok.

Ok. That concludes this wonderful tribute! I love Hadi. And i am Soooo gonna adopt him someday.

Don't Be Judgemental!

2008-01-19T00:50:00.000+08:00

Today my dear readers, i realized something. (Yes, i know, isn't it actually amazing to realize something? I enjoy that feeling immensely. Unless, of course, if i realise something WRONG, then it is a feeling i do not enjoy. Ha Ha.) So, what is it, that you realized, you ask (or you may want to ask. Or you had no intention of asking but you just asked for my sake.).

Before you roll your eyes in desperation, let out a sigh of despair, yawn a yawn of desperation, clench a fist of disregard and do anything else that starts with a 'd', let me tell you what i have realized.

I have realized that people are all very different.

Before you guffaw at that statement, i would like you to think deeper (as i often do, and quite often. I guess you could say i am a pretty deep thinker,ha ha.) about what it implies.

(In case you are not a deep thinker like me, i provided you with the answer.) This means that people could have different value systems and ideologies and views of differnt issues from you, and this means also that they are all very special (i use this term loosely) individuals.

And therefore, who is to judge what is wrong or right? Who is to say that smoking is bad for you and that drinking is disgusting and that if you are a piece of shit if you are mean? And WHO has the right to say that you are an idiot and tell you what to do? And WHO has the right to tell you who you can be friends with?

I do. So yes. Smoking and drinking is bad for you, you idiot, and you are a freak and i think that if you do it when you aren't supposed to then you truly are a asshole. But of course, i am just kidding.

I, unlike many of you, am not judgemental.

Which means, yes, i do not judge. All you judgemental people are just so terrible. I mena, how can you go around judging people like that? It makes me sick. All you judgemental people should just drop dead like flies (sorry all you fly lovers. I wanted to put "pigeons", but i actually like pigeons so i couldn't bear to do it.) SIMPLY because you judge other people. You think you are so great huh?

Well, let me tell you this! (forgive me if i am a bit harsh here, but i must sound angry) You are so JUDGEMENTAL and stupid and you should crawl into a corner and wither and die because you are so shallow and unable to see other people for their uniqueness and that they have a choice to make their own mistakes and that they can kill themselves if they want to.

That said, remember folks, it is absolutely not right to judge anyone okay. I hope this is one lesson i can teach you all.

***

By the way, i am in LOVE WITH RYAN HIGA. HE IS ABSOLUTELY THE CUTEST GUY EVER AND HE IS SO FUNNY! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I LOVE YOU, RYAN!

Online Shopping (Shop 1)

2008-01-16T02:59:00.000+08:00

Hello! Recently i found out that lots of people are into online shopping and i thought to myself, hey, why not i try it out too! And the amazing thing is, i know NUTS about business!

(Actually i am writing this while waiting for waiting for PDA to be complete..It is in it's final stages adn i really don't want to ruin the thing, so i can't reveal it just yet. but soon i will! Sorry.)

Anyways, so yes! I took a look at some online shops and i have now decided to do my own shop thingy. Incredible! SO, allow me to start!

Ladies (and gentlemen), leave a comment with your e-mail if you want to buy any of the items ok! And the special prices are for ladies (and gentlemen) in our mailing list ok! So do join the mailing list ok! :) :) <3>

No back order. Subject to avaliabilty, and postage fees apply:
Mail- About $5-7 (depending on location)
E-mail-- $3-6 (depending on location)
Personal delivery - Priceless (or about $20-60, depending on location.)

And note though, you will be required to make payments ten minutes within confirmation (because that's how long it takes to get to Tampines Mall from my home) or the offer will be void. Thank you for your understanding!

Here's my first collection of stuff.

MON CHERRY (this is the name of the sale)

#1- LOLA --$18 Mailing list: $12

First thing i noticed is that most of these items have female names. so i decided to do some of my own.

Ladies! Everyone of us needs something like this!.At least once in your life you will have to tame unruly hair.

And when that day comes, of course you want to do it in utmost style!

What better way to do it than with this one of a kind hairclip?

So what if the plastic thingy is peeling off. It adds to character!

Be the envy of your friends!

#2- Dorothy - $60 M.L.: $40 LIMITED! ONE PAIR ONLY!

Ladies! You may not be able to see it now, but i guarantee you, with a pair of these, you soon might be able to!

Assuring that you will never miss a moment!

(Fits a degree of 4.0 on both eyes.)

#3- MIMI $12 for one, two for $30. M.L.: $10 for 1, two for $30.

Whether you wear it as a braclelet or use it for whatever reason, this hand-y (get it, hehe), ultra versatile high fashion piece is this season's MUST-HAVE!

Comes with a gold-plated side.

Soft, cottonly elasticy material.

Not sheer.

#4- LUCY - $2 for one, three for $10. M.L.: $1 for one, three for $9.50

Another one of this season's must-haves! Personally used before, these delicate almost transparent ear-sticks are guaranteed to make your ears look more elegant.

And they are extremely comfortable!

Comes in clear and clear purple, so it can match almost every dress!

Limited stock!

#5- MANDEE - $20 (pair) M.L. : $18

Extremely comfortable and worn out, these foot adornments are absolutely exquisite!

The wooly cottony material provides hours of warmth and comfort and promises to insulate your feet.

Pair it with almost anything to be the talk of the party!

Avaliable only in sunny yellow (the colour that is oh-so-this-season!)

Not sheer.

Model is a size 8, foot size 4, wrist diameter 15 cm, hair length 25 cm, longest eyeball diameter about 10cm.. i think.

Sarah has balls.

2008-01-14T01:05:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking, i tell him, Should i still do something for someone if they don't really care?

Well, he says, it doesn't really matter. As long as you do.

***

Because i have no ego, and a lot of balls* to spare:

Chang rejected my request for him to accept the title of being my muse.

(Note: slightly vulgar language)
In my head, i went like, Oh may GAWD! Recoil in shock!Seriously. It's just a title. HAHA.
The way he reacted!
You'd think i asked him to :

a) give me a blowjob
b) let me touch his balls
c) strip naked
d) castrate himself
e) do all of the above AND give me $1000000 (actually not bad ah) AND THEN
f) MARRY HIM. Alamak.

Then still want to ask me to pay. Aiyo. Haha. And for what? For him to be himself! Wah! Some people!! Skin so thick (he said so himself). And that i will find another muse. WAHAHAHA. Seriously.

Thankfully, i am egoless, and have a skin thicker (some might attribute this to the fats but those who survived will tell you otherwise now.. But i would like to think that it's due to the fact that i'll be working in the media) than F.C.C. otherwise known as Chang. And yes, due to my ballfulness**, i will proclaim this hugely:

I WAS REJECTED BY CHANG.

Note: I also do this because if people just happen to scroll through my blog, they'd will be shocked because they didn't read the top part properly. Then they will think that something truly terrible happened and they'd re-read the whole thing again.

I know. I am such an AS (Attention Seeker). But hey, if it works, why not? Haha! And please, don't go around saying, "Sarah, you are such an AS (it sounds like ass)" Because, in the words of the Queen or someone else said, "I am not amused".

For the record, i hold nothing against Chang and i respect (*snort*) his decision. I know i am going to get an earful for that snort. Hang on. That sentece sounded funny. I'm gonna say it again, I know i am going to get an earful for that snort. Haha. An earful of snort! Haha. Snort sounds like, snot! I know! I, too, am higly amused by the connection! Ha Ha!

But seriously, i hold nothing against him for not wanting to be anything. SO, moving on to more important things..

Yes, ME (well, not completely).

Well. Now i am going to be a braver person.

And yes, if he won't ask me then i will ask him. And if he's not strong enough for me then i'll be stronger for him. If his ego is bruised by this then it's ok, because i don't have an ago, and he can have mine. And he can take me for granted because i won't take him for granted.

I don't know what it is exactly. But i know that this time if i didn't do something about it i would regret it. I know desperation might probably scare Him away as much as premature balding/ Amy Winehouse's bouffant/ Donald trump's hair/ my father (bless his soul!) but i guess these feelings come and go.

So maybe it's time i stopped waiting around for the beautiful stranger who's never going to appear (Ah, the "Beautiful stranger" song by Madonna comes to mind.. But i don't want my 'beautiful stranger' to look like Austin Powers, thank you.).

I am sitting here in my heartache.. Waiting on some beautiful boy to save me from my old ways. I play forgiveness.. Watch it now! Here he comes! He doesn't look a thing like Amy Winehouse but he talks like a gentleman..

It sounds like a Killer song huh. Well IT IS (when you were young) Some bits except the 'Amy Winehouse' bit. Ohwell.

There's no turning back huh.

I miss HaoXiaoMing's lectures. I feel no motivation to go to school on Mondays.
__________________________________________

*If you wonder why some of your male friends/ guys sometimes have no balls, it's because Sarah Amnah took them! Yes. They (the balls, not the guys) may be ugly (hmmm. sometimes the guys also) but yes, i took them**!

**If you try asking them, "Where are your balls man?", they probably will hate you for de-egofying them. But they will never ever admit that Sarah Amnah took them.

In Love With the Enemy

2008-01-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

Hello..

Because everyone has been saying about how money-minded i am (due to the posts about money), i have decided to HOLD BACK ALL THE MONEY SAVING TIPS! HAH. See! Say me la! Say some more! Good. Now you know my true Power (besides my telekenesis, x-ray vision and super strength)

Ok, actually, that's not the reason why i haven't done part two. The reason is it is an effective tool in keeping you all in suspense. (Either that, or you'll forget all about it in weeks to come, if you are forgetful.)

Hence, i have decided to write on something that is close to my heart. And yes, what is close to the heart but.... LOVE!

I know i know, my male readership just dropped by 60%.

But i'll say it again, LOVE! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

I think there are no more men left.

ANYHOOS (something you can and should only say in the presence of females.. Males would just find "anyhoo" annoying.. Unless they think you're really cute otherwise it'd just sound like you're acting cute. ANYHOOS).

Well yes. Okay. So recently i went out one of my best friends (whom we shall call Bunny), and He sure had a great deal to say about a certain Mr L.

Bunny hates L., whom he calls several names:

1) Limboy - because my relationship with him always seems to be in limbo. Well, on my side anyways. And Bunny was incredibly amused that his surname just happened to be "Lim" as well.

2) Amy Winehouse - Becuase he drinks and smokes a lot.

3) Bouffant boy - Because of his previous reference to Amy Winehouse. Sheesh.

Now.. Look at the picture below and tell me..

Pray, tell me, in what way does this woman look like like L? (Wait. You know what.. Don't tell me. Seriously. Haha.)

He really isn't such a bad person as everyone says he is. He is just misunderstood (to which Bunny said, "Oi. Michael Jackson, is misunderstood. L, is not."). It's just that he just doesn't need people as much as they need him (sometimes).

He's not that bad. ( I told this to Bunny, to which he repied, "..you know that i'm no good..." Which is a song by Amy Winehouse, by the way.)

And for the record, he is now a changed man.

He has started smoking.

Sorrow.. And just something (how to catch spies)

2008-01-11T01:56:00.000+08:00

Just a note.. A new issue of Sorrow is ready (ok, i lied. It's not an issue. It's just a strip!). Sorry it took so long. Click here (as in, click on the here). :)

SUSPICIONS (skip this if you are allergic to me [read as, CHANG.. but i didn't mean you la, chang, if you are reading this. This has nothing to do with you. oh wow, this is only the parenthesis OF THE parenthesis of the title!!]/ emoness/ my delusioness/ Me/ Emotions/ Taugeh)

Ok, i don't know who reads this blog, so i am extremely wary now.. THERE ARE SPIES AMONG US*!!!

Of course, i didn't mean you.. UNLESS YOU ARE A SPY! HMMM!!! HMMM!!!! HMMMMM!!!! THINK I DON'T KNOW RIGHT!! SPY SPY SPY! (sorry jinhe i know you are "spygirls238982560"** but i wasn't meaning you.)

Wow. My paranoia knows no bounds. Actually, i am not paranoid. I am merely amused. Because there is nothing to spy on! Haha. It's just Little old me.. Awww.

Anyways, this is an open blog and anyone can PERUSE it (i had to capslock the "peruse" so the spy would get a shock while reading it. It is one of the many tactics i employ to scare SPIES away. See, i did it again. This time to the word "spies".) so.

Wow i love the pure vanilla ice blended YOU SPY and i could drink it all day. (Here, i have employed another technique in which i caught the spy unaware.. While he/she was thinking happy thoughts of vanilla ice blended, i injected the words "YOU SPY" to cause shock.)

Ok ok, sorry for all the commotion. But when you wear your heart on your sleeve, you have to be careful of it being abused. Hmmm. Maybe i shouldn't wear it on my SPY sleeve anymore. (here i carefully injected the "spy" in tiny fonts, so that when the spy goes nearer the screen, thinking it is some BIG DEAL, he/ she will be horrified to know it is not. See, kaypoh some more lah!)

Some things are better left protected. Or, in a manly man's words, "guarded".

Yes, maybe i should start.

And just so you know. I HAVE INSTALLED A SPY TRACKING DEVICE TO SEE WHO HAS BEEN SPYING ON ME! (i have shocked the spy this time, by yelling loudly.)

If you are found out to be a "source", YOU WILL BE BANNED FROM THIS SITE, you ignoramus fool! In case you don't know what ignoramus fool means, go look it up, you ignoramus fool. I'll call you that again just because you don't know what it means! HAH. IGNORAMOUS FOOL!!*** I have so much power, IGNORAMUS FOOL!

Ah, yes. Starting tomorrow, NO MORE LETTING GO OF EMOTIONS!! (Even that, i said passionately. So tomorrow, it will be like this, " (emotionless) No more letting go of emotions.")

Will they be used against me? Will they be used for me?

I Have Nothing. NOTHING. NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

...If i don't have youuuu.. Sorry, i just spontaneously burst out into song. Now, the spy would have thought that thing to be something important. HAH.

One last thing before i go...

YOU SPY^!!!! (This is a direct attack on whoever the spy is.)

______________________________________________
* Not literally

**i had to put a fake number so people won't know.

***I don't really know what it means either. On a footnote though, i think i used it wrongly (i.e. it is a noun) but you didnt know that right? IGNORAMOUS DULLARD.

^Actually i think Voyeur would be more appropriate. So if you are the SPY, replace it with VOYEUR!

Hello!!!

2008-01-11T00:00:00.000+08:00

HELLO!

If this is your first time visiting my blog, Welcome! This is a very nice blog and i am actually a very nice person. BUT DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT! Read the testimonials below!

"Sarah, you are crazy!" - Qinxin

"Sarah, you are mad!" - Jaspreet

"SARAH IS EVIL !!!" - Daryl, who wishes to remain undisclosed.

"You are seriously a freak." -Azimah

"You are so full of crap."- Azimah

"I swear you are crazy." - Also Azimah

"Not everybody can stand your nonsense." - Chang

"I am addicted to your blog!" - Louis

"You are sick." - Azimah (again)

"Your blog has nice english words." -Luqman

"I got no money so don't quote me." -Weili

"I have saved TONS of money just by following your first five tips! I am soooo going to buy your book! I can't wait for it to come out!

I know you are shaking your head, thinking to yourself, oh my god, are you for real? These comments, i assure you, across my heart (yes, for you, dear reader) are very real and have really been said about me! Thought the tone in which it is said is kind of dubious. And sometimes it kind of makes me sad. Boo. I am sad.

ALAS*!

This is not (always) a sad blog! So, it will be Happy! And i am feeling happy! As you should be!**

Today i have realized that blogs are highly public places. And that everyone and ANYONE can read your blog (that includes you, dear reader! Ha Ha.). Hence, because blogs are highly public places, you should reveal personal things!

Oh yes, before i continue, i do apologise for the wait you will have to undergo for "Money Saving Tips (part 2)". If you can't wait, you know what to do (WINK WINK, ha ha).

Well yes. Anyways, (OOPS! I did not mean to be rude!) the reason "Money Saving tips" has been halted is because I am embarking on a project that will keep me very occupied.

That's right. It is TOP SECRET project. It is so SECRETIVE that i cannot even tell you if you're not involved. In fact, only about 60 people know about it (now). I am sorry. I do value you as a reader, but ALAS*, i cannot disclose these facts.

Alrighty. It is time to go. I am tired. Goodnight, Adieu, and farewell.

*Sometimes i say "Alas" in CAPS to make things sound more exciting.

** I am trying a new interactive kind of tone, so you guys will feel involved.. I mean, like you are talking to me! Cool ain't it?